God-Help Instead of Self-Help

My newest article is up at Today’s Christian Woman, where I have the privilege of being a regular contributor.

GETTING

Here’s the start of the article:

There’s no denying we are a nation of people looking for help. Although we may try to seem put together on the outside, our book purchases alone point to a different reality: we are struggling, and we’re looking for help anywhere we can find it. “Self-help” is an entire industry in this nation that generates roughly $10 billion per year—and the industry shows no signs of slowing down. Whether you want to read about fixing broken relationships, living more healthily, making more money, or finding contentment, there’s a self-help book—or 50—out there for you. And if you are willing to spend the time and the money, there are myriad options for self-help conferences, webcasts, and personal coaching, along with the thousands of books you can read.

It’s common for self-help books to tout that they offer the key to “win in life and business” and “unlock the way to life’s riches.” And why not? Who doesn’t want to have a better life, make more money, and experience more happiness? Who doesn’t want life to be easier, simpler, faster?

Chasing an Illusion
But perhaps what we want is something we were never promised—and so we’re chasing an illusion.

We live complex, challenging lives, and many of the promises offered by self-help gurus seem wonderful and easy. Too easy. We want a quick way out of our difficult marriage without having to work through the pain. We want to make money easily and without having to work diligently. We want to feel happy without having to face our own brokenness.

Jesus is clear—unapologetically so—in telling his followers that “in this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33, NIV). This life is not meant to be perfect. In fact, Scripture tells us this earth isn’t our real home—we are “foreigners” on this earth (Hebrews 11:13) and our real home is in heaven (Philippians 3:20). If we’re longing for perfection and pure happiness on this earth, we will always be disappointed.

The “Self Problem” with Self-Help

There’s a second problem with the self-help industry: the self-help industry depends—unsurprisingly—on self. In the solar system of self-help, the sun in the center of it all is you—and, apparently, you can make everything better on your own if you can just read the right books and access the right resources. Ultimately, the focus of self-help books comes down to a reliance on self as the one who can make things right.

This reliance on self, though, is in directly opposition to Christianity. As believers in Christ, we have already declared—through our very faith in Jesus as our Savior—that we are not reliant upon ourselves. We are reliant upon Jesus. In fact, when we believed in Christ as our Lord and Savior, we acknowledged that we cannot save ourselves at all. We cannot get “better,” in any way, on our own. We need a Savior to rescue us from our sin and from ourselves, and the danger of the self-help industry is that it lures us to look for help outside of Jesus.

This doesn’t mean self-help books and media are all bad. Some offer helpful insights on how to relate to others and set healthy boundaries on our time and with our money. But if we find ourselves looking to self-help materials rather than turning to Jesus, we are looking for ultimate help where it can’t be found.

Continue to read the rest of article here!

3 Ways to Start the Year off Right

3 Ways to Start the year off right (1)

I tend to love the beginnings of things. This year ahead is fresh and new, and I have learned that if I don’t intentionally pursue the things that refresh my soul, those things won’t happen. We have to take meaningful steps toward renewing our hearts and minds in Christ, and there may not be a better time to do that than right now, when our calendars are full of more white space than they will be for awhile.

Here are some ways that we can look at how we are living at the start of this new year and invite God to lead us into better ways of living.

Make Time for Solitude and Silence

When I was in college, I had a professor that took a day off every month to retreat from the world and re-center his life by spending a day with God. He would spend the entire day at a retreat center, speaking with no one and spending long stretches of time in solitude and silence. The silence, he said, gave him time to reflect on the deep places in his life that constant noise and stimuli kept him from ever reaching internally.

In our media-drenched culture, colors, lights, advertisements, and technology surround us. There is always another thing to buy that promises happiness, or something to look at to amuse or entertain us. What happens when we get away from all of these things? What happens when we are alone, without anything to distract us? Often, the deep longings of our heart begin to surface when they have the time and space to bubble up in our minds. The things we really hope for and care about become prominent in our thoughts. Our true heart has the space to come out.

It is hard to get to this place. When I spend time alone, in silence, I am often bombarded by thoughts of things that need to get done, of projects that are unfinished. If I followed every rabbit-trail that came into my head, I would never reach actual silence, because the noise inside of me can become so loud. I have found that tangibly writing down the “to do” list that pops up in my mind helps release me from having to listen to those thoughts anymore. With the ideas written down, I can set them aside and focus on reflecting on life.

Pray

Prayer is the best way to truly refresh, because it connects us with the One who knows us best—God. By spending time to ask God about our thoughts and our lives, we can connect with our Creator in meaningful ways that will truly give our spirit life. I have found that taking chunks of time to read the Bible and pray has significantly changed my life. If you find that it’s hard to concentrate for extended periods of time, try taking a walk while you talk with God, or journal your thoughts by writing them down. Sometimes I even enjoy singing my prayers, making up the tune as I go along. There are many ways to pray, and as long as our hearts are in the right place—seeking to connect with the One who made us—it will be time well-spent. Time spent with God is never wasted.

Take Time Away

Getting away from the schedules that we have carved out for ourselves is sometimes the most challenging thing to do. It doesn’t seem possible that the world we’re in will run smoothly if we step out of it for a few days, or even a day, or even for a few hours. Will our households, businesses, and families survive if we leave?

The answer is yes. And the reality is that if you make the time to step out of the regular schedule of life to reevaluate and refresh, you will come back to “regular” life with better and more insightful thoughts, as well as with more energy to offer to your family, your friends, and your co-workers.

Taking time away will look different for everyone. You may only feel that you can responsibly take a couple of hours away from your duties at home or at work, or you may figure out a way to step away from your responsibilities for a full day or two. Whatever the amount of time that you can set aside to get away, it can be meaningful.

And that is the key focus for getting away. While it might sound nice to go on a mini-vacation and unwind by watching a movie or sleeping the day away, the focus for this time should be centered on purposefully looking at your current life—what you love about your life, what you long for, what you want to grow in, and what you need to cut out. While a nap is not a bad idea, consider removing any and all kinds of media for your time away. A ringing cell phone is almost certain to keep you focused on the minutiae of life, rather than help you think about the life you are seeking to live.

Blessings on you, friends, as you start this new year. What do you want this year to be?

The Best Resolution

 

The best resolution at www.annswindell.com

I’m not sure that I’ve ever really made a New Year’s Resolution. I’m not someone who gets really envisioned by these types of things. But there is one type of resolution I made nearly a decade a ago that has utterly transformed my life. 

I seek to spend time with Jesus every. single. day.

Of course, there are days when life gets a little too crazy and I don’t manage to get time with him, but by and large, I spend time with the Lord every day of the week, every week of the year. I don’t say this because I’m fantastic; I say this because I’m a broken and sinful person, desperately in need of the healing and love of Christ every. single. day. It’s spiritual life and death for me; spending time with Jesus is the only thing that keeps me hopeful, kind, and loving–because He is hopeful, kind, and loving. When I spend time with him, I become more like him, and that is what I need most of all.

When it comes to getting time reading the Word, praying and journaling, I’m committed to spending daily time with Jesus because I’ve discovered that more than time and money, more than romance and entertainment, more than fame and Facebook, Jesus is worth everything. Absolutely everything. He holds time in his hands and he, himself, is everything of value. He is the deepest love and the richest reward. He is the only famous one and the friend of all. He is the prize. He is the treasure. He is the King.

And I have been given the gift of not only being saved from my sin but also of being healed from the inside out by his love and mercy and grace. Spending time with him is a deep privilege. Knowing him is an opportunity greater than any offered on this earth.

If you want some practical ideas for spending time with Jesus, I’ve shared my heart on getting to know him intentionally–you can read about those thoughts here.

So as 2015 whispers in like a song yet to be sung, let’s turn our time and our hearts, again, to Jesus. He is so worthy, friends. And completely available to meet with us every day of the year.

Today’s Christian Woman: Best of 2014

As a writer, it is always a joy to have my work published–the fact that anyone else reads the words that I spend my time laboring over is always a gift to me. I just found out that one of the pieces I wrote earlier this year for Today’s Christian Woman (where I am a regular contributor) was named as one of their best articles of 2014. I am so grateful and thankful for this honor!

best of 2014

You can read the Best of 2014 list at Today’s Christian Woman here–and give yourself some reading time; there are beautiful articles in this list!

Faith is Spelled R-I-S-K

“Faith,” I heard a pastor say several years ago, “is spelled R-I-S-K.”

Scripture, of course, gets the final word on defining faith, and the book of Hebrews tells us that “faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” But I see the connection between the Scripture and the words of my pastor, because being “convicted of something we do not see” requires a certain amount of risk. Think of Abraham with a knife in his hand, holding it over his son, Isaac. Think of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, refusing to worship an idol and being flung into the blazing furnace. Think of Daniel continuing to pray even though he knew there was a pit of lions waiting. Think of Esther approaching the king without being summoned. Think of Mary, unwed, saying yes to carrying the Savior. Think of Matthew, leaving the tax booth and a steady job to follow a poor rabbi. And think of Jesus, hanging on a cross for sins that were not his. All of these men and women risked: they risked their security, they risked their reputations, and they risked their very lives because they believed. Because they were people of faith.

But risking is scary business. I can’t imagine that Abraham wasn’t shaking when he held that knife overhead, or that Daniel wasn’t knocking his knees when he faced the lions. Mary was probably afraid of what her family—and the town—would think when her belly started growing. And Jesus himself was so overwhelmed in the garden that he was sweating drops of blood before his betrayer came.

Faith is spelled RISK

In my own life, too, faith and risk seem to go hand-in-hand. Several years ago, when God called my husband into full-time ministry, our church was unable to pay him—and wouldn’t be able to pay him for at least five months. God was asking us to step out in faith, trust him, and take the job anyway. I was scared; it was risky. We had a mortgage and bills, but we said yes. And God met us in our need. He provided.

And a little while ago, my daughter and I were circling the grocery store. As we passed one of the employees, I felt a nudge from God. I knew what I was supposed to do, but I hemmed and hawed for a few minutes, feeling the social awkwardness of breaking the silence between two strangers and—gulp—trying to talk about Jesus.

Finally, I walked up to her.

“I’m sorry; I know this is kind of random, but I’m a Christian, and I really feel like God wants you to know that he loves you.”

She looked at me, and immediate tears came to her eyes—and mine. I felt the love and presence of God there in that aisle in the grocery store. And I knew that Jesus loved this woman more than I could ever have imagined.

“Wow,” she said quietly. And then, “thank you.”

I nodded. We chatted a bit longer and talked about faith and Jesus; I invited her to church.

At the grocery store that day, God was asking me to step out in faith and take the risk of not knowing what to say or how she would respond.

But even in that small risk, I met Jesus in that place.

So when we walk into our daily risks of faith with our hands shaking and our knees knocking and our bank accounts dwindling and our grocery carts circling, we don’t have to go with great confidence.

We just need to go, fear and all.

Because we will meet Jesus there.

10 Things Every Newlywed Should Know

My newest piece, “10 Things Every Newlywed Should Know,” is up at RELEVANT Magazine. It’s a letter I wrote to my newlywed self–one I wish I’d had for those early months and years of marriage. It’s also one that I would do well to re-read every day, as a reminder of what it means to live healthily and joyfully in a marriage that’s going to make it for the long haul. I hope it encourages you!

10 Things Every Newlywed Should Know--really, things any married person should know!!

1. Repent and Forgive—Daily and Out Loud.

Marriage, in all of its glory, also brings up some ugly sins. When you know you have sinned against your spouse, humble yourself and ask for forgiveness. Out loud. And tell your spouse you forgive him or her—out loud.

Saying “I’m sorry” is different from asking “Will you forgive me?” Asking for forgiveness requires humility before God and your spouse that builds an incredible trust in marriage. Some days, you will need to repent to each other more times than you care to admit, and on those days it’s a good idea to go just to bed early and start over the next morning.

2. Lavish Your Time, Energy and Love on One Another.

There are seasons in life when you will be busier than you imagined. But if you have the time in these early months and years to spend together, take it! Enjoy one another, spend ridiculous amounts of time getting to know each other as husband and wife, laugh together, snuggle, share ideas, dream together out loud. Be one another’s biggest fans.

3. Enjoy Sex and Talk About it Together.

There’s a big learning curve in sex. It’s wonderful and difficult and fun and funny. Don’t forget that phrase your mentor told you: “there’s always an extra limb in sex that doesn’t fit anywhere!” But whatever you do, keep talking together about sex. Be gentle with the vulnerability offered from your spouse. Don’t blow anything off if your spouse brings it up; take it seriously. Satan wants to keep spouses silent in the broken places; by opening up about sex and talking through concerns and questions, you can avoid a lot of additional pain.

4. Find a Church Home and Plug In.

As important as it is to lavish on one another, ultimately, no marriage thrives well in a hermit hole. Find a community of believers and press in. Ask questions. Hang out with older married couples. Ask for help. Go to potlucks. Make friends and pursue those friendships.

Jesus loves the local church, and your marriage is a powerful part of what God is doing—in you and in the larger community you are a part of.

5. Set Aside a Date Night.

Once a week, minimum, for the rest of your lives. Build it into the budget. Intentionality equals trust and love.

Read the other five reminders over at RELEVANT!

Are you waiting for God to breakthrough in your life-