{"id":1607,"date":"2016-06-21T16:00:03","date_gmt":"2016-06-21T21:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/?p=1607"},"modified":"2017-07-04T10:30:17","modified_gmt":"2017-07-04T15:30:17","slug":"know-about-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/2016\/06\/21\/know-about-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"What I Want My Single Friends to Know About Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"

Michael and I just recently celebrated our tenth anniversary, and this article seems timely in its publication; friendships between marrieds and singles are necessary, beautiful, and valuable in the Kingdom of God. You can read the article in its entirety here, at Today’s Christian Woman<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"What<\/a><\/p>\n

When I got married ten years ago, there were certain things I expected\u2014things like love and struggle and joy and pain. But what I didn\u2019t expect was that those emotions might not only occur within my marriage, but also between me and my single girlfriends.<\/strong> As I learned what it looked like to be married to Michael, I was also trying to learn how to re-build friendships with the women in my life.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t easy. Suddenly, I was in a different stage of life than they were, navigating different questions and concerns. Our seasons of life were different, and we had choices to make: Would we stay connected, work for deeper friendship even in the midst of life change? Or would we slowly fade apart?<\/p>\n

Five\u00a0Honest Admissions<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here are the things I wish I would have said ten years ago to my single friends\u2014and the things I still<\/em> may need to say to my single friends. Because friendship in any season is worth the time and intentionality it requires\u2014even if it does get a little awkward as we figure things out along the way.<\/p>\n

1. Sometimes I don’t know how to relate to you. <\/strong>I know that sometimes you feel like you can\u2019t relate to my life situation\u2014and I actually feel the same way about you. Our seasons of life are markedly different, now, and I\u2019m not always sure how to connect.<\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s because I was the first among my friends to get married, and it was as if an invisible wall went up in some of my friendships\u2014a wall I didn\u2019t know how to break through. Some of my friends were jealous; some were unsure of how our friendship would shift now that I was a Mrs. It made me gun-shy, and I felt the shift. I worried that I would misstep in my friendships with single women.<\/strong><\/p>\n

How do we relate now? Singles and marrieds--building a strong friendship is worth it. #marriage #friendship <\/a><\/span>Share on X<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

What I\u2019m saying is that I’m not sure what stories you want to hear from my life. Should I avoid all of the stories about our marriage? I don\u2019t know how painful it feels for you when I bring up my husband in conversation. And I have no idea if you want to talk about your singleness of not.<\/p>\n

I might need you to tell me; I might need you to open up the conversation and share where your heart is with singleness, with marriage, with Jesus, with the church. And I might need to share with you about my marriage. We might just need to work through the awkwardness together. Because I want<\/em> to love you well, just as I want to be loved well by you.<\/strong> But I\u2019m not always sure how you want me\u2014and maybe even need me\u2014to relate to you. Please tell me. I won\u2019t be offended. I\u2019ll be thankful.<\/p>\n

2. Yes, it really is wonderful. And yes, it really is hard. <\/strong>Even though I\u2019m not in your shoes, I know that being single can be really, really<\/em> hard. What I need you to hear from me is this: sometimes marriage can be hard, too.<\/p>\n

Yes, I am grateful that I have someone to come home to, to lean on, to process life with, to live alongside. I wouldn\u2019t be who I am today without Michael\u2019s sharpening and loving presence in my life. But marriage is not all sunshine and roses. It is a daily choice to keep our communication open, our love pure, our dreams shared. We are two different people with sometimes markedly different views of how we should live, eat, work, and parent. And it can be exhausting to try and work things through one more time<\/em>, when it would feel easier to throw in the emotional towel.<\/p>\n

So there are going to be days when I need you to help me cherish my vows, and days when I need to help you trust God\u2019s promises, too.<\/strong> I think we can help and love each other in these places if we can make room for each other\u2019s struggles, no matter how different they are.<\/p>\n

I need you to help me cherish my vows, and I need to help you trust God\u2019s promises, too. #marriage #friendship <\/a><\/span>Share on X<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

3. There are days when I envy your singleness. <\/strong>I relinquished a lot of freedoms at the altar because the marriage vow necessarily requires tethering: I can\u2019t up and go whenever I want, I can\u2019t choose a new job based only on my personal desires. I\u2019m not free to spend money any way I want, or use my time solely in the ways I see fit. Those were freedoms I traded in order to have a healthy marriage. And while I know we are all called to shape our lives around Christ and live accountably to him and his church, there are days when your life seems very alluring to me: You don\u2019t have to make decisions with someone else, or shape your life around another human. Some days, your freedoms sound luxurious to me. I know you might be rolling your eyes right now, but it\u2019s true.<\/p>\n

Paul warns about this reality in the Scripture\u2014it\u2019s not like I went into marriage blind:<\/p>\n

\n

I want you to be free from anxieties. . . . And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:32, 34-35)<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I made this choice when I got married\u2014to have, to a certain degree, my attentions divided between Jesus and my husband, my family. I seek to keep Christ at the forefront of my life, and often serving Jesus means serving my husband and family. But there are days when I feel torn in my attentions, and I look at your life with longing.<\/p>\n

Read the rest of the article here, at Today’s Christian Woman<\/a>!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Michael and I just recently celebrated our tenth anniversary, and this article seems timely in its publication; friendships between marrieds and singles are necessary, beautiful, and valuable in the Kingdom of God. You can read the article in its entirety here, at Today’s Christian Woman. When I got married ten years ago, there were certain […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1608,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[20,4,5,6],"tags":[821,49,222,823,824,45,310],"class_list":["post-1607","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-friendship","category-god","category-life","category-marriage","tag-christian-friendship","tag-christian-marriage","tag-friendship-2","tag-friendship-between-singles-and-married-people","tag-friendships-in-marriage","tag-marriage-2","tag-todays-christian-woman","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/What-I-Want-My-Single-Friends-to-Know-About-Marriage.jpg?fit=800%2C1200&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1607","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1607"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1607\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1911,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1607\/revisions\/1911"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1608"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1607"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1607"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1607"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}