{"id":1194,"date":"2015-04-14T14:23:13","date_gmt":"2015-04-14T19:23:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/?p=1194"},"modified":"2015-04-17T09:34:21","modified_gmt":"2015-04-17T14:34:21","slug":"kids-arent-the-priority-marriage-is","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/2015\/04\/14\/kids-arent-the-priority-marriage-is\/","title":{"rendered":"Kids Aren’t the Priority. Marriage Is."},"content":{"rendered":"

My newest piece is up at RELEVANT Magazine<\/a>–a piece about how to cultivate a healthy marriage after kids come along. It’s something I’m passionate about, both personally and culturally, and I’ve written about it for Today’s Christian Woman<\/a>, as well. Read the start of the article below:<\/p>\n

\"Keeping<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was concerned that becoming parents might weaken our marriage. I wasn\u2019t afraid that it would\u00a0ruin<\/em>\u00a0our marriage. Michael and I had made promises to God and each other to stay the course, come hell or high water. We also had\u2014and still have\u2014a deep friendship and camaraderie in our relationship. But I was, admittedly, nervous that having a child might throw some of that off-kilter\u2014that, perhaps, adding another human being in the mix might strain our connection and closeness.<\/p>\n

And you know what?<\/p>\n

It did.<\/p>\n

Our daughter was born on our seventh anniversary, and her birthday has become symbolic to me: Those things that were solely about me and my husband\u2014the things that used to be\u00a0just about us<\/em>\u2014those things have shifted. Even our marriage\u2014our very anniversary\u2014is shared, now.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s a good thing.<\/p>\n

Because although it feels like it might rub me raw some days, getting to be a parent is a gift. God\u2019s word unabashedly declares that children are a blessing from him (Psalm 127:3-5), that each child is intentionally created by God (Psalm 139), and that children show us a picture of what it means to be great in the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 18:1-3). I believe in the Bible. And I also believe my experience\u2014my daughter is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.<\/p>\n

But being a parent is also a gift because it can strengthen our marriages, if we are intentional about growing as parents\u00a0and<\/em>\u00a0spouses. Growing as parents without growing as spouses is putting the proverbial cart before the horse, and both the marriage and the parenting will suffer. But the opportunity to grow as friends and lovers\u2014as husband and wife\u2014as we are parenting? This is a truly good gift.<\/p>\nGrowing as parents without growing as spouses is putting the proverbial cart before the horse. <\/a><\/span>Share on X<\/a><\/span>\n

Here\u2019s how to be purposeful about growing as spouses even as we parent those small humans who are making lots of noise in the house:<\/p>\n

Make Time Just for the Two of You<\/h3>\n

Yes, it\u2019s going to be a lot harder to get one-on-one, meaningful time together now that you\u2019re parents. But do it anyway; your marriage is worth it.<\/p>\n

When Michael and I were dating, engaged and then married before becoming parents, we had so much time to be together. Time to explore the arboretum. Time to talk over long meals. Time to see movies and sleep in. Now, as parents (and remember, we only have one right now; God bless all parents of multiple children. Amen.), a lot of our time is spent doing parent-y things: feeding our child, playing with our child, reading to our child, bathing, cleaning and clothing our child. Her schedule shapes a great deal of what we can and can\u2019t do.<\/p>\n

So we have a weekly date night. Sometimes we get a sitter and go out. Sometimes we talk and eat ice cream and watch a movie at home after she goes to bed (Alleluia for the 7:30 p.m. bed time). But we are consistent about making time to meaningfully connect so that we can operate as friends and lovers … and not solely as parenting partners.<\/p>\nMake time to connect as spouses so you don't operate solely as parenting partners. <\/a><\/span>Share on X<\/a><\/span>\n

Serve Your Spouse, Not Just Your Kids<\/h3>\n

Before children, it\u2019s just easier to care for our spouse\u2014to stop at the store and pick up a favorite cereal when we\u2019re running low, or to refill the gas tank in the car before it drops to E. But when the days fill up with attending to the basic needs of children, we can get worn out with serving anyone but ourselves.<\/p>\n

The gift in this, though, is that parenting reminds us in fresh ways that it\u2019s not all about me. Caring for one or two or 10 little humans forces us to put the needs of another before our own\u2014often to a degree that we\u2019ve never had to experience before. Waking up 10 times in one night? Sure. Making meals and washing clothes for kids who don\u2019t have the fine motor skills to do it for themselves? Of course.<\/p>\n

But if we\u2019re so exhausted by serving our kids that we can\u2019t\u2014or won\u2019t\u2014serve our spouse, we\u2019re headed down the wrong path. We may not be able to fill up the gas tank on a whim or pick up roses on the way home, but we can still serve our spouse in simple, thoughtful ways through the week. A note left on a dashboard, the offer to take the kids while she gets a night out, or the willingness to clean the dishes\u2014these little acts of service help keep marriages healthy in the midst of exhausting days and years.<\/p>\n

Read the rest of the article\u00a0here, at RELEVANT<\/a>!<\/h3>\n

Related post: Connecting After Kids<\/a><\/p>\n

Are you a fellow writer? Check out my\u00a0latest video about publishing and finding your niche in the world of writing<\/a>!<\/p>\n

If this blog post was encouraging to you, I would be honored if you would\u00a0consider partnering with me as a writer<\/a>!\u00a0Click here<\/a>\u00a0to read more!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My newest piece is up at RELEVANT Magazine–a piece about how to cultivate a healthy marriage after kids come along. It’s something I’m passionate about, both personally and culturally, and I’ve written about it for Today’s Christian Woman, as well. Read the start of the article below:   I was concerned that becoming parents might […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1202,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[13,433,4,5,6,96,133],"tags":[449,61,450,34,447,436,448,52,445,444,252,451,446],"class_list":["post-1194","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-baby","category-dating-your-spouse-2","category-god","category-life","category-marriage","category-motherhood-2","category-parenting","tag-after-kids","tag-christianity","tag-everything-changes-after-kids","tag-faith","tag-having-a-healthy-marriage","tag-healthy-marriage","tag-healthy-marriage-after-kids","tag-jesus","tag-making-marriage-a-priority","tag-marriage-is-a-priority","tag-spouse","tag-why-do-kids-change-everything","tag-why-does-my-spouse-love-my-kids-more","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/TEXT-HERE-1.png?fit=800%2C800&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1194","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1194"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1194\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1205,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1194\/revisions\/1205"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1202"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1194"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1194"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/annswindell.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1194"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}