Love, Actually: Why Love is So Much More than Valentine’s Day

Even before you read the article, know this: God loves you and Christ died for you! “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

My most recent article is up over at Darling Magazine, and it’s a piece I’ve written about two of life’s most important things: love and gratitude. 

The impending Valentine’s Day can usher in a wealth of emotions: longing, excitement, hurt, confusion, sorrow, hope — or some combination of all of these. For some of us, the holiday offers new opportunities to showcase affection toward our significant other; for others, it is a reminder that we don’t have an other to lavish affection upon.

Darling.Love Actually
But although love is what Valentine’s Day announces from candy store windows and card aisles, what the holiday has come to represent is a narrow understanding of the sentiment.

Love
. It’s such a small word for such a large thing.
One day could never do it justice because love, in its many forms, isn’t necessarily best seen between two lovers. Don’t get me wrong; I’m deeply in love with my husband and have been for a decade. Romantic love is something I cherish and am grateful for, but my life would be much less whole if this was the only love that I experienced. Love manifests in so many different ways, ways too numerous to count.

Love: the parent who calms the crying child in the night.
Love: the friend who brings the ice cream and sits with you in the tears.
Love: the boyfriend who speaks highly of you when you’re not around.
Love: the co-worker who picks up your slack on a project you’re too exhausted to finish.
Love: the barista who overlooks your demanding voice because she knows you’re tired.
Love: the spouse who chooses you over and over and over.
Love: the boss who praises you in front of others.
Love: the friend who texts just to make sure you’re ok.
Love: the child who wants to sit on your lap to read just one more book.
Love: the roommate who does the dishes. Again.
Love: the stranger who offers you a kind word on a difficult day.

While one day will never encompass the many sides of love, a day centered on love can — if we allow it to — be so much more than the exchange of gifts and candy, so much more than a nice dinner or a piece of jewelry. It can be a day that points us to a deeper reflection of all of the facets of love that we have in our lives. It can be a day, ultimately, for thankfulness.
Please read the rest of the article here, at Darling Magazine–and let me know what kinds of love you are grateful for in your life! (image from Mikaela Hamilton via Darling Magazine)

Valentines Loved

 

 

 

Sending Love

Michael has told me, many times over the course of our marriage, that I have helped him learn how to celebrate. It’s not something I think about as an abstract concept very often–this idea of being a celebrator, this way that I look for any opportunity to have a party or gather others together. But it’s in me; it’s how I’m wired. Celebrating–and taking the time to acknowledge accomplishments or milestones–it’s something I deeply love.

In my mind, however, events or milestones don’t need to hit some sort of threshold in order to merit a celebration. Birthday? To the nines! Long weekend? Celebrate! Acceptance to grad school? Party central! Half-anniversary? Why not! I don’t discriminate when it comes to celebration. In my humble opinion, we don’t celebrate one another–and God’s presence in our lives–nearly enough.

Which is why, in the midst of preparing our home to sell and the busy start of a new semester, I still wanted to have some Valentine’s Day cards for Ella to give to friends and family. I’m not in a season of life where I’m gluing glitter and hand-lettering envelopes, but I sure can whip up a cute card over at Minted. I’ve used them before for our Christmas cards and even bought my parent’s Christmas present–a photo art-print–from Minted this year. Their quality is lovely, and their website is user-friendly (a must for this mama).

Even though Ella has no idea what Valentine’s Day is, and even though it’s not particularly one of my favorite holidays, I think the concept of giving and receiving notes of friendship and love is a tradition that would do well to continue throughout the year! Love comes in hundreds of forms, and I’m hoping that Ella will learn, early, that the love found through good friendship is one of God’s greatest gifts–and is something worth celebrating any day of the year!

So, I (quickly) found this card that I knew Ella would like–she is very into coloring these days–and added her name and a cute photo of her on the back. Grandparents? Check. Little toddler friends? Check. Memory book? Check.

Image-1 (1)

There’s still time to order a set of valentines from Minted–even foil-pressed ones!–if you’re looking for something adorable and easy.

And if you’re not feeling particularly celebrated this time of year, remember: God himself is singing over you, rejoicing in you.

You are loved more than you could ever imagine.

Affiliate links are included in this post, as I am an affiliate for Minted!

The Gift of Celebration, The Gift of Friendship

Celebrate well

I’m a celebrator by nature. I love throwing parties, surprising people, and making up excuses to celebrate the people I love. I love being the one to gather friends together to show them why they are worthy of encouragement, attention, and time. Celebrating is a love language for me.

But my birthday falls in January, which, I’ve found, is not a great time to have a birthday if you like celebrating. For most of us, January is recovery month. We’re tired, we’ve used all our vacation time, we’ve made New Year’s resolutions that forbid us from eating sugar or carbs, we’re sick of seeing people, and we just spent a lot of money at Christmas. We’re tired of celebrating once January rolls around. We want to hibernate. We want to hole away.

Therein lies my problem; birthdays are special to me.

But then, last year, a friend asked me how I would feel most loved for my birthday. She wanted to celebrate me, she said. Even in her asking, I felt loved. And I told her the truth: I wanted to be with my closest friends, and I wanted to share a meal together. No gifts, no songs—just time gathered around the table.

And that is what happened, in the cold and dreary month of January. Ten of us shared a meal. We paid for babysitters so that our conversation could go deep; that in and of itself was a precious gift of time and money. Each friend surprised me by sharing an encouragement for my coming year of life. They told me how they saw Jesus at work in me, and they prayed for me. I sat there and felt deeply celebrated, and deeply welcomed into the new year of my life by the friends I loved the most. In my memory, it remains a holy and beautiful night.

To me, I have come to realize how that night encapsulates what is meant to be at the center of every gathering; in fact, what is meant to be at the heart of friendship. For true friendship is a kind of gathering. It is pulling people together around a shared table or on a soft couch, and it will cost us in time and even in money. True friendship means giving those things that my friends offered to me on my birthday night—time, encouragement, intentionality, welcome, love. And true friendship is celebration; it is seeing what is worthy of encouragement in those we love and declaring those things over them. It is seeing the presence of Jesus in the other and acknowledging his beauty through them.

Birthdays only happen once every twelve months, but gathering to celebrate those we love—to speak truth and hope and encouragement to them and over them—that can happen any time of the year. We can gather in coffee shops and pray for one another. We can gather on playgrounds and encourage one another. We can gather around kitchen tables and welcome one another. We can gather in restaurants and celebrate one another. And we can gather, always, and love one another—no matter where, no matter when. 

If this blog post was encouraging to you, I would be honored if you would consider partnering with me as a writerClick here to read more!

 

God-Help Instead of Self-Help

My newest article is up at Today’s Christian Woman, where I have the privilege of being a regular contributor.

GETTING

Here’s the start of the article:

There’s no denying we are a nation of people looking for help. Although we may try to seem put together on the outside, our book purchases alone point to a different reality: we are struggling, and we’re looking for help anywhere we can find it. “Self-help” is an entire industry in this nation that generates roughly $10 billion per year—and the industry shows no signs of slowing down. Whether you want to read about fixing broken relationships, living more healthily, making more money, or finding contentment, there’s a self-help book—or 50—out there for you. And if you are willing to spend the time and the money, there are myriad options for self-help conferences, webcasts, and personal coaching, along with the thousands of books you can read.

It’s common for self-help books to tout that they offer the key to “win in life and business” and “unlock the way to life’s riches.” And why not? Who doesn’t want to have a better life, make more money, and experience more happiness? Who doesn’t want life to be easier, simpler, faster?

Chasing an Illusion
But perhaps what we want is something we were never promised—and so we’re chasing an illusion.

We live complex, challenging lives, and many of the promises offered by self-help gurus seem wonderful and easy. Too easy. We want a quick way out of our difficult marriage without having to work through the pain. We want to make money easily and without having to work diligently. We want to feel happy without having to face our own brokenness.

Jesus is clear—unapologetically so—in telling his followers that “in this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33, NIV). This life is not meant to be perfect. In fact, Scripture tells us this earth isn’t our real home—we are “foreigners” on this earth (Hebrews 11:13) and our real home is in heaven (Philippians 3:20). If we’re longing for perfection and pure happiness on this earth, we will always be disappointed.

The “Self Problem” with Self-Help

There’s a second problem with the self-help industry: the self-help industry depends—unsurprisingly—on self. In the solar system of self-help, the sun in the center of it all is you—and, apparently, you can make everything better on your own if you can just read the right books and access the right resources. Ultimately, the focus of self-help books comes down to a reliance on self as the one who can make things right.

This reliance on self, though, is in directly opposition to Christianity. As believers in Christ, we have already declared—through our very faith in Jesus as our Savior—that we are not reliant upon ourselves. We are reliant upon Jesus. In fact, when we believed in Christ as our Lord and Savior, we acknowledged that we cannot save ourselves at all. We cannot get “better,” in any way, on our own. We need a Savior to rescue us from our sin and from ourselves, and the danger of the self-help industry is that it lures us to look for help outside of Jesus.

This doesn’t mean self-help books and media are all bad. Some offer helpful insights on how to relate to others and set healthy boundaries on our time and with our money. But if we find ourselves looking to self-help materials rather than turning to Jesus, we are looking for ultimate help where it can’t be found.

Continue to read the rest of article here!

A Year Long Holiday Spirit

My newest piece, “A Year Long Holiday Spirit,” is up over at Darling Magazine. I love Christmastime, and this article explores how we can make intentional choices that enable us to live every day of the year with joy, generosity, and intentionality. It was a lovely piece to get to write, and I hope that you’ll take the time to read it at Darling Magazine!

Keeping the Spirit of Christmas in our

The holiday season is here; lights flicker on trees and in windows, friends and family feast together, and the sense of excitement — even of joy — rests on these days.

What is it that makes these weeks so special, so transcendent? The parties? The food? The gifts? Perhaps. But maybe the holiday cheer that hangs like a twinkling veil over this time of year has less to do with these things and more to do with the intentional choices that this time of year births in us. Maybe the incandescence of the holiday season happens because we are choosing to live in a manner that is outwardly-focused … and that makes all the difference.

Below are three themes that the holidays tend to portray. These are aspects of the season that we can carry into every month of the year if our hearts are open and willing.

Generosity
The holidays are all about giving. Gifts are exchanged and as nice as it is to receive gifts, we all know the truth that little compares to the joy of giving meaningful gifts to those we love. Their excitement, their surprise, their thankfulness — that is a gift in and of itself. Many of us also give to charities and organizations that we care about during this time of year. In light of the needs of the world and the spirit of the season, we are moved to share what we have, whether it is little or much, with those who have less than we do. Often, what the holidays help open our eyes to is how much we really do have, while at the same time awakening our hearts to the joy of generosity.

Generosity is less of a financial choice than a mental choice. If we have a mindset of generosity, we can be generous with others in every circumstance, year-round. Donating to a food pantry, volunteering our time at a soup kitchen, babysitting a friend’s child, tutoring students — the opportunities are endless. The good thing is that we can carry this generosity throughout the year. By giving to our favorite charity on a recurring basis or by choosing birthday or wedding gifts for our friends that also give back, we can make a without the holidays prompting us.

Read about Intentionality and Joy over at Darling Magazine right here!

Getting The Real Things Done

The Truth About Being a Great Mom (1)

I am one of those people who really enjoys feeling on top of things. My husband can vouch for the fact that I am the most stressed when I feel like I’m “falling behind” in life or when I feel like opportunities are slipping away because I’m running out of time. Part of this is due to my personality and my high “Achiever” strength on StrengthsFinder (any other SF nerds out there? We love it in our household and on our church staff!). Let’s just say this: I love getting things done. I love being productive. I love ticking things off of my to-do list. You now no longer need to wonder why I loved being a student for so many years.

But since Ella joined our family–really, even before that because of how sick I was during pregnancy–my ability to “get things done” has decreased. A lot.

Well, let me clarify. I get a lot of things done every day. I spend time with the Lord. I connect with my husband. I snuggle with my daughter. I feed her. I keep her clean. We play together. We read books and buy groceries together and I talk to her about this world she has joined. Most days I get a workout in, some days I even make dinner. Some days I write. I do a lot.

But in a world of resumes and Instagram and Facebook, I don’t always have a lot to “show” for my days. And for this “achiever,” that can push my buttons. Because when I publish an article, or when I teach a class, or when I show up for a meeting, the outside world knows that I’m doing something.

Smiles together

But here in our home, the only one who sees most of what I do is God. And I am learning to not only accept that, but delight in that. Because although it rubs me the wrong way sometimes that I can’t measure my life anymore by the grades I receive on papers or the scores I get on tests or the things I “do” every day that have external measurements, God is teaching me a different kind of measurement.

Faithfulness. Obedience. Trust.

Am I loving my Savior? Loving my husband? Loving my daughter? Faithfulness.

Am I serving God’s people? Serving my husband? Serving my daughter? Obedience.

Am I giving God my dreams and desires? Choosing to walk in peace? Believing the Word of God? Trust.

These are the markers of my life these days, now more than ever. Yes, I still teach and write and serve in our church. I have external ways that I could judge my own life, but those things will drive me crazy because I will never measure up to those around me. But here, in my own life, I can respond to what God has called me to: Faithfulness. Obedience. Trust.

And while I can’t “achieve” any of these things on my own, as I walk with Jesus daily, he is growing me in these things.

And I am learning about getting the real things done–the eternal things.

Faithfulness. Obedience. Trust.