Squeezed for Time and Resting in God

Daily Ways to Rest So We Don't Burn Out

When you’re juggling a lot of roles–wife, employee, mom, student, friend, sister–or any other number of roles–it can feel like there’s no margin in our lives. We feel tired, exhausted, maybe even worn-down. And in that mental state, it can seem harder and harder to believe that there’s some sort of dim light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I have days where it feels like my season will never change–that I’ll always feel tired, or that I’ll always be pressed for time.

And you know what I’m having to come to terms with? That might actually be the case. From now until I die, I might always feel hard-pressed, squeezed, even, for time. In his book, The Sacred Journey, Frederick Buechner writes about how children are the ones who live “below time;” they do not experience time in the same way as adults do because they do not yet have a sense of its earthly finiteness, nor do they carry the responsibilities that we do once we grow up. At some point, though, all of us open the door unto time and find ourselves living within the reality of limited days. Most of us are always a bit wistful for the days of carefree timelessness. But we cannot go back.

And so, yes I have lost that sense of timelessness, of freedom away from the clock. I have roles and responsibilities that will forever keep me from being free of the constraints of time. But I would not trade those good things for unhindered freedom. Every thing that truly matters requires tethering, especially love. 

Every thing that truly matters requires tethering, especially love. Share on X

And so I am tethered to these roles and responsibilities, and sometimes I feel like I might break under the weight of them. But then I find that I am able to bend a bit more, and I find that I’m living in the grace of Christ, who does not break those who are already bending. He upholds us. He strengthens us. He fights on our behalf.

So, then, how can I live peacefully when time always feels thin? Well, in the midst of unending demands and requirements on our time, it is important–even necessary–to give ourselves time to rest. I’ve already written about why I believe the Sabbath is so central to our rhythms of weekly life, but on the smaller scale of day-to-day life, how can we rest? How can we allow ourselves to take short breaks in the midst of our days so that we don’t break under the weight of our responsibilities?

There are many ways to do this, but here are five of my favorite, simple ways to rest daily:

1. Connecting with Christ. This is so important for me–I’ve written more about it here, but the fact is that unless I’m staying close to Jesus, everything else feels overwhelming and stressful. Half an hour with him in the morning shifts my mindset toward His priorities and gives me the grace I need to do all that I’m called to do. This can look different for all of us, but my time with God in the morning includes reading the Word, praying, and journaling.

2. Choosing Gratitude. It’s amazing how quickly thankfulness can change my attitude and my perspective. If I can make the choice to say–out loud–three things that I’m thankful for, I’m usually humbled to bits–in the best sense. I have been given so much, and God is with me through it all.

3. A long(ish) shower. I’m not joking. When you can close (and lock!) the door, a shower offers a little time to let my brain rest, let my body rest, and let my senses rest. If you have time for a long soak, even better!

4. Five minutes in silence. Put down the phone, the remote, the headphones. Sit, quietly, and try to let all of the tension seep out of your body. Ask God for a fresh dose of His peace in your heart, mind, and bones.

5. A hot drink in the wintertime, a cold drink in the summertime. The sensory power of being refreshed or warmed is something that often brings me a few moments of pleasure, gratefulness, and peace–if I attend to my senses and allow myself to slow down.

Even in the busy days that most of us find ourselves in, there is grace from Christ to live peacefully. Small steps like these can help us slow down and be present in the life that we are living–they can even help us meet God in the midst of the busyness.

Still Waiting by Ann Swindell

The Greatness of Smallness

True greatness comes from smallness before God and people

Most of my life, I’ve felt a tug toward greatness. You know–that feeling that burns deep and can push us wide? Deep because we know that we were created to do important, meaningful, gorgeous things in the world. Wide because we look around us at all that we aren’t doing and see people who seem great in our eyes–people who carry great influence, great ideas, great power.

And that feeling in me, that yearning for greatness–that ache can make me feel very small.

Small because I don’t have great influence.

Small because I don’t often think my ideas are great.

Small because what power I do have doesn’t come out on great, big stages.

And sometimes that smallness feels very shameful to me, as if I should be doing something bigger and greater and more important with my life. I look around and I see a messy house and words typed on pages and I see papers to grade and I think: what if I’ve missed it? What if I’m never great in the way I long to be?

And then what rises up in me is the desire to do it on my own: to try to push my way into greatness. If I can work harder, think deeper, be better—then, perhaps, greatness will fall upon me like a cape. If I just keep driving my way forward, maybe I can make this happen. Perhaps I can be the key that unlocks that elusive door into the greatness that I desire.

And this is why, friends, I can often feel so tired. And discouraged. Because it doesn’t matter how hard I push, that door to my perceived vision of greatness won’t budge. I can’t fling that door open. I can’t even crack it open. All of my efforts are failures.

And as I was praying yesterday, asking God to crack open something in my heart and not just my circumstances, I heard Him speak: Live small to be great. And I was reminded of those unexpected words from Jesus in Matthew 23, words that slay me and humble me.

Live small to be great. Share on X

But first, some background: Here, in Matthew 23, Jesus is talking with his disciples and with the crowds, and he is cautioning them–cautioning them from living the way their religious leaders live. These leaders, the Pharisees, they’re walking shams. They love to get noticed in a crowd, Jesus says–they love the best seats in the house and the honor that comes with being a leader. They look spiritual and they soak up attention like sponges.

They wield great influence. 

They say they have great ideas.

They love having great power. 

But they’re liars. They refuse to practice what they preach, and their influence and ideas actually tie up the souls of their listeners with heavy burdens. They have power, yes. But rather than setting people free, they’re making spiritual slaves through their hypocrisy.

They do all their deeds to be seen by others,” Jesus cautions. There is nothing in them that really wants to serve others. They just want attention. 

And now they’ve gotten it. The King of the Universe is paying attention, that King padding around in calloused flesh, and the attention they draw is damning. Their lives are all about themselves, when they should be pointing people to God.

And these are the words that slay and humble me, the words that upend me. It’s Jesus himself speaking to his followers, to the Pharisees, to me:

“The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”

I am slain, my heart cut open by the knife of scripture, and I see, again, that I have not been seeing at all. That the greatness I am scrolling through on social media and envying and wanting is not greatness, but a sham. It is not that these people I follow are shams, but that my perception of true greatness if skewed. I look at my fellow humans and I see their influence, their ideas, and their power, and I want what they have.

And that is what cuts; what I really need–what my soul actually wants–is God. For ultimately, there is no power apart from him, no influence apart from him, no idea apart from him. Standing in front of the God of the Heavens, the Maker and Creator of all, we are, each one of us, minutely small. There is only one who is great, and He–Christ Jesus–became the servant of all. Unlike the Pharisees, he did practice what he preached. He took the lowest road, the humblest form, the surest pain–all because He is truly great, and that greatness led him to the deepest humility. It led Jesus to becoming the smallest of all things: human. One of us.

The swirling power of the ages, bound up in a baby’s fist. The influence greater than all kings of the earth, unfolded in the cry of a child. The ideas of time and space and all wisdom and knowledge, solidified into the flesh of a human. A small, humble, needy child. The Christ child. Jesus.

It’s backwards.

And it’s perfectly right.

Greatness is smallness, servanthood, humility.

It is not power, ideas, and influence. 

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I can serve the ones who live in the messy house in front of me. I can humble myself on the page with my words. I can make myself small in front of my students so that Christ can be big in their eyes. And with God’s grace, I will.

And then, worked out over the course of a small life, I can be great before the only One who truly matters. Lord, help me. I want to be truly great.

The Power of Mini Marriage Retreats

Mini Marriage Retreats--how to make them happen even if you don't have much time or money!

Michael and I had a great rhythm of consistent date nights and quarterly marriage retreats (read: weekends away) prior to having our daughter. Now (ahem), while the date nights still happen every week, the quarterly marriage retreats have kind of fallen off the map. And we’ve realized, afresh, why they are so important to our relationship. Time away together gets us out of the normal rhythms of our lives, which, while helpful, can also lead to ruts of communication and connection. When we are in a new city, eating new food, seeing new sights–that’s when we find out new things about one another and, often, new conversations and dreams bubble up between us.

Getting away together doesn’t need to be fancy, expensive, or exotic. It just needs to happen. Here are the hows and whys for getting away with your spouse–in a meaningful way.

Getting away together doesn't need to be fancy, expensive, or exotic. It just needs to happen. Share on X

1. Aim for easy, not exotic. Now, don’t get me wrong–I would looooove to head to Hawaii for a weekend away. But we live in the Chicago area, and we have neither the time nor the money to go to Hawaii regularly (or, actually, ever). So we explore the surrounding suburbs–the towns 20 minutes away–and walk through their shops and try new restaurants. When we haven’t had the money, we drive back to stay in our own home overnight.

2. Make time for intentional connection. Time away together is wonderful–but it won’t accomplish much if we’re still focused on work or tied to our phones. Make sure that you engage in meaningful conversation–buy a book that opens up new conversations, or start reading a marriage book together (this one is our favorite!). And make sure to spend time meaningfully connecting back at the hotel, too! 🙂

3. Try something new. New experiences spark new connections–and are part of the reason why getting away really matters. So, along with trying a new restaurant, do something fun–and new–together. A chocolate tasting night, a boat tour, go-karting, an opera–with an open mind and some creativity, even small towns offer opportunities for newness together!

If we are willing to invest our time and money in our spouse, our marriages will only be strengthened. It doesn’t have to be expensive or long, but time away to refresh an renew as a couple is important for any marriage. And of course, if you can afford to get away to Hawaii, please–go for it!

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Related post: Three Ways to Make Your Marriage Better

Walking Dust: An Ash Wednesday Reflection

As people of faith, Ash Wednesday is  a day that marks us—figuratively and, in some traditions, literally—for a period of weeks that is meant to change us. Lent seeks to hush our ravenous appetite for ease and excess and, instead, remind us that the way of Christ is neither of those things. The way of Christ is the way down—down from heaven, down to the dust of the earth and the pain of a cross. It is the way of truth.

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Psalm 103 has long been a favorite of mine; I love the way that the heart of David is uncovered as he declares what he knows to be true of God. Here, David is preaching to his own soul that God is the one who “forgives all of your sins” and “redeems your life from the pit.” David goes on to offer the dizzying image of God as the one who hurtles our sin as far away from us as the east is from the west. And he remembers that God’s love is with those “who fear him”—from “everlasting to everlasting.” This is the Psalm that I read when I need to be reminded of God’s character, for this chapter reminds me of his compassion, his kindness, and his mercy.

Lodged in the middle of one of these mighty declarations, however, is a reminder to the reader of our real state, in verses 13-16.

As a father has compassion on his children,

so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; 
for he knows how we are formed,
 
he remembers that we are dust. 
The life of mortals is like grass,
 
they flourish like a flower of the field; 
the wind blows over it and it is gone,
 
and its place remembers it no more.

This verse elicits two responses in me. First, I see the kindness that the Lord has for us: he who is eternal cares for those who are finite. My life is a scratch on the husk of this earth, and yet he has compassion on me. How kind, how good, how loving is this God? But secondly, I am forced to come to terms with the reality that although I am flourishing now, there is a day soon in its coming when I will no longer be here. My body will give out; my skull will become a shell. As it is written in the Book of Common Prayer, one day my body will be “commit[ted] to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”

And here is the importance of Ash Wednesday. Whether or not you participate in a church service, you may see men and women walking around today with sooty crosses on their foreheads. Take a second look at the ones you see with these crosses smudged on their faces; that soot is a visceral reminder of our real state.

We are walking dust.

We are walking dust. Share on X

Infused with the breath of life, yes. For now. And although I cling to the hope of Easter each day of my life, believing wholeheartedly that the death of my flesh is not the death of me, I still will face death. As will you. In order to tell the truth, this is where we must start on this Lenten journey. Death comes to all of us. And yet, as David writes in Psalm 103, God still cares for us. He still loves us, has compassion on us, and has made the way for us to be free from all sin so that we do not have to fear this death. This is the hope we are inching toward during Lent, even as we come to terms with our own mortality.

3 Ways to Make Your Marriage Better

Better Marriage

Michael and I are leading a couple we love through some premarital counseling right now–something we always feel so privileged to do–and I’m reminded, again, why we are so committed to our marriage and to marriage in general.

Marriage, more than most other relationships, has the power to harm and to heal. Share on X

Marriage, more than most other relationships, has the power to harm and to heal. And in the daily grind of life and relationship and kids and jobs, sometimes our spouse gets the short end of the proverbial stick. They get our frustrations and our shortness, our exhaustion and our failures. They often get our worsts.

But our spouses also get our bests–if we let them. 

It’s a sad reality of life that we often become the most flippant and casual with those we love and need the most. If familiarity doesn’t breed contempt, it can at least lead to a unspoken type of expectation where their presence and love is expected rather than treasured.

I don’t want to live that way. I want to live in an intentional, joyful marriage.

Here are three ways to offer your spouse your bests in the relationship:

1. Speak the language of thankfulness. 
In a healthy marriage, there is a give and take of responsibilities and tasks that has to be accomplished every week just to stay afloat. Bills have to be paid, trash has to be taken out, meals have to be made. When we start expecting those things of one another without being appreciative for the work and energy those things require, we miss an opportunity to cultivate joy.

Thank your spouse for what he does. Does he leave for work every morning? Thank him for being faithful in his job. Does she balance the checkbook and pay the bills? Thank her for her consistency and excellence. Thank him for changing that diaper. Thank her for cooking that meal. Gratitude offers dignity to mundane tasks–and it shows an awareness of how much our spouse does for our life to keep it moving forward.

Gratitude offers dignity to mundane tasks in marriage. Share on X

2. Make time for one another.
When we invest in people, we learn to love them. Our children, our friends, even our colleagues–when we really hear their hearts, we often can’t help but love them, to one degree or another. When we neglect getting meaningful time with our spouse, we can drift apart more easily because we forget about their hearts and dreams and thoughts.

So set up a recurring lunch date, or make the half hour after the kids go down a sacred time for the two of you to talk–really talk. Get a weekend away if you can (yes, even if it takes more time and energy to set it up than you will be gone). Make your relationship a priority with your time–we invest in what we value, and marriage is no different. 

We invest in what we value, and our marriage is no different Share on X

3. Do something unexpectedly kind.
Surprising our spouse with something we know they will love–a meal out, a backrub, a box of cookies–tells them that we care about them, that we think about them, and that what matters to them matters to us.

You don’t need to spend a lot of money–what matters here is thoughtfulness. So what can you do, today, to show kindness to your spouse? Wash the dishes when it’s his turn? Put gas in the car? Bring flowers home? Surprise him with a night out, complete with a sitter and a reservation?

What can you do today to make your marriage better–and stronger? Consider putting one of these ideas into practice today!

Still Waiting by Ann Swindell

When You’re Too Busy to Connect With God

My newest article is up over at RELEVANT Magazine, and I’d love for you to check it out!

WHEN YOU'RE TOO BUSY.Swindell

Here’s the start of the article:

Busy. It’s a word many of us use most of the time—we’re too busy, so busy, very busy, or just plain busy. We’ve got work to do, children to raise, meetings to get to, appointments to keep, friends to connect with, spouses to love.

So how do we stay connected to God even when our lives swirl around us at a rapid pace? How do we keep Him central in our hearts and minds while we live our very busy lives? Here are a few ideas for staying close to Jesus even when life gets crazy:

Start with Scripture.

My goal is to read the Bible every day—early in the day—so that everything else I do is seen through the Biblical lens of reality. Reading the Bible is one thing that keeps me grounded in truth and connected to God. I have found, for me, that when I start my day in the Bible, my heart and mind are better prepared to respond to God’s presence throughout the rest of the day—and I usually find that I am kinder in my responses to other people and more gracious with myself.

When I start my day in the Bible, my heart and mind are better prepared to respond to God's presence throughout the day Share on X

And yet, even though I know how important it is for me to read the Word in order to stay close to God, it is surprising to me that something so simple can be so difficult to do on a consistent basis. So get creative if you need to. Do you commute to work? If you’re driving, listen to the Bible on audio. If you’re sitting on a train or on a subway, read the Bible on your phone or carry a pocket version of the Bible with you.

Listen to Truth.

There are a lot of voices swirling around us every day—voices that tell us we aren’t good enough, that we have to find love for ourselves, and that we need to be more attractive and make more money. If I listen to those voices too long, I get sucked into those lies. So I seek to fill my head with music and words that keep me focused on God throughout the day.

If you’re reading this, there’s a high chance that you have access to an incredible amount of Christ-centered media options. Podcasts that point me back to Jesus in the midst of a crazy world, music that focuses my attention on Him and sermons that keep my mind grounded in truth—these are the types of things I try to fill gaps of free time with. They help me remember that in Christ, I am loved and that I have all that I need—things I constantly need to hear.

Read about praying throughout the day, pausing when you’re overwhelmed, and Christ-centered friendships over at RELEVANT!