Christianity – Page 8

Connecting after Kids

November 5, 2014 by Ann 4 Comments

My newest piece is up today at Today’s Christian Woman–an article about how Michael and I sought to intentionally connect as a married couple (and not just as parenting partners) after having our daughter. What follows is an abbreviated version of the full article, which you can read here!

Pregnancy was difficult for me. Recovery from an unexpected C-section was difficult for me. The initial transition into motherhood was difficult for me. The lack of sleep was difficult for me. Why I expected our marriage to fly through all of these difficulties without any significant emotional ramifications is beyond me. Maybe it’s because, after being married for seven years, I assumed we would continue to connect well and operate the same way.

I was wrong.

It’s not that Michael and I didn’t still love each other. It’s not that we didn’t continue to have date nights. It’s not that we didn’t still spend time together. But it felt . . . different. I felt different. At times, I felt overwhelmed by how much my daughter needed me and by how little time there was to do anything other than care for her. As we emerged from the newborn stage, I found myself unsure about how to continue to invest in and develop my own passions, let alone the connection points in our marriage, when I felt so immersed in this new, tiny life.

Our marriage didn’t feel the same.

Looking back, I can say now to myself: of course it wasn’t the same. You had a baby. Your attentions are now divided. Your hormones are out of whack. You are a family of three rather than two. The external change is huge; the emotional change will be huge too.

But I didn’t have those thoughts then. I just had a lot of feelings—and primarily, I felt less connected to my husband than I ever had before. I didn’t want this shift to lead to a slow fade of operating as parenting partners rather than emotionally connected spouses.

As we talked with each other and with friends, we both committed, again, to making sure our marriage thrived in every season of life—including this new one with a baby. So we kicked our intentionality up a notch and made connecting as a married couple—and not just as parenting partners—a top priority in our lives.

The most important part of connecting as spouses? Prayer. We prayed—individually and together—for God’s grace and wisdom as we sought to stay meaningfully united in this new stage of life.

With God’s help, we also made several practical choices. First, we pared down our schedule. We had both been carrying full schedules before Ella was born; after her birth we realized our pace of life was not sustainable if we wanted to continue to have a healthy marriage. Michael took a break from graduate school, and while we kept attending a small group at church, we stepped down from leading it.

Secondly, we worked to share new experiences together. Parenting Ella was a new experience we loved, but we needed to continue to invest in our relationship as friends and lovers. Due to our exhaustion, date night had become routine—dinner at home and Shark Tank on the couch. So we mixed things up. We went to a matinee downtown. We went to a friend’s wedding without our daughter, even though she was invited. We took a vacation. These experiences offered new avenues within which our relationship could grow.

Marriage is about the God our marriage is meant to point to; it is about us looking and loving more like Jesus. Share on X

Thirdly, we went to a counseling and marriage retreat. With the help of a Christian counselor, we were given practical tools for how to grow together emotionally in this new season of life. We walked away from that week with a shared grid for how to encourage and support one another better.

But there’s no quick solution or easy answer to navigating these new waters since becoming parents. Our marriage has changed emotionally—as well as physically and practically—because we have changed. The transformation into becoming parents together has been a beautiful, stressful change for us, and with every new stage our daughter grows into, our marriage will have to grow as well. Our needs and hers are constantly shifting, and it will continue to take great intentionality and time—as well as heartfelt engagement with one another—to stay emotionally connected.

What does stay the same is God, along with the promises we made to one another at the altar so many years ago. We are committed to keeping our marriage as healthy as we can because, ultimately, our marriage isn’t about us. It is about the God our marriage is meant to point to; it is about us looking and loving more like Jesus; and it is also, now, about a little girl who is toddling around our home. That is worth our time, our love, our intentionality, and our commitment—in any season of life.

Read the full article here at Today’s Christian Woman!

Filed Under: Baby, God, Marriage, Motherhood, Parenting Tagged With: Christian marriage, Christianity, connecting after kids, connecting with your spouse, date night, faith, husband, intentional marriage, Jesus, keeping marriage fresh, marriage, marriage after baby, wife

Keeping Marriage Fresh and Fun

November 3, 2014 by Ann 1 Comment

When Michael and I got married, we had a lot of time to watch movies on the couch, take weekend trips away, and try new restaurants. Our marriage was at the front of our hearts, minds, and calendars; although we didn’t have a lot of money, we had time and creativity—two things more precious than any amount of gold.

Fast forward eight years and throw in a couple of demanding jobs, three grad school programs, a mortgage and a baby, and we discovered that there were two thousand other things that wanted to squeeze out that time and creativity that had been going into our marriage. Life got full. Too full. And our marriage was feeling the repercussions.

And so, to keep our marriage healthy and our lives sane, we stepped back and had to get really focused about making our relationship a priority. These ideas aren’t perfect, but they’ve helped us grow and maintain a marriage that we both love, and I hope they can encourage you, too!

1. We date each other. No, we don’t go out on elaborate dates every week. Or even once a month. But we do set aside one night every week that’s just for us. Because my husband often has evening meetings for work and I often have projects and grading at night, if we don’t carve out a specific time to meaningfully connect each week, it doesn’t happen. Some date nights are pizza and a movie on the couch, and some date nights I put on my heels and we walk around our city’s downtown, sharing ice cream and sitting in the park. Either way, we’re making us a priority.

2. We mix it up. You know that saying—“familiarity breeds contempt?” It doesn’t have to be true, but it can become true too easily if we fall into ruts in our marriage. If our time together is solely focused on managing a household, or if we only ever talk about work and how the kids are doing in school, we begin to feel disconnected and undervalued. One way to kick this pattern is to share a new experience together. See a show. Take some dance lessons. Try a new restaurant. When we step out of our zones of regularity, we get to see our spouse in a new light—something that can offer new opportunities for sparks to fly!

3. Two and Two. Over dinner, we often ask each other to share two feelings and two encouragements—an idea we stole from some of our friends. We each share about two distinct feelings we had during our day (“I felt excited when,” “I felt confused when,” etc.), and then we encourage our spouse in two ways (“I really appreciated that you took out the trash this morning,” “You looked so handsome today as you left for work.”) I’m always amazed at how far these little insights into each other’s days can help us connect meaningfully—and feel loved.

Marriage is a gift and a challenge, and as seasons of life change, other things will always seek to squeeze out the time we could give to our spouses. But with intentionality and cultivation, our marriages will grow—and flourish!

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: better marriage, Christian marriage, Christianity, date night, dating your spouse, faith, fun marriage, help for marriage, Jesus, keeping marriage fresh and fun, marriage, nonnegotiable date night, spouse, wedding

An Influence Conference Giveaway!

October 24, 2014 by Ann Leave a Comment

I’m teaming up with some lovely blogger friends to give away two (2) tickets to two (2) women for the 2015 Influence Conference! I just went to the conference last month, and it was such an encouragement to me as a follower of Jesus, as a writer, as a wife, and as a mama. I would love for one of my readers to get to go next year! The giveaway runs through next Friday, October 31st. Read below and then enter at the end of the post!

What is the Influence Network?

via

TWO lucky readers will win a ticket to the 2015 Influence Conference. The conference is a three day event held in Indianapolis, Indiana at the Westin Hotel. You will meet women from all over the country who are seeking to learn about how to follow Jesus as small business owners, bloggers, and women and how to leverage their influence for His glory! There will be workshops, classes, speakers, coffee, & shopping at the three-day event.

Two Places At Once // What She Saw // Rivers & Roads

Oaks & Oats // Amy Cornwell // Simplicity Relished

Rachel Rewritten // Trusty Chucks // Wear Flowers In Your Hair

She Lives Free // Elah Tree // Mandy Living Life

Vallarina Creative // Camp Patton // 23 and 9 Creative

Ann Swindell // Heavens to Betsy // A Beautiful Exchange

Wetherills Say I Do // Oh Simple Thoughts // Frankly My Dear

You do not have to be a member of the Influence Network to enter the giveaway OR to go the conference but I am thankful to be a part of the Network and to have gone to the conference. Both have been a blessing!

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**Please note that this giveaway is in no way sponsored by The Influence Network.

We are a group of independent women who are joining together to make this conference happen for two of our readers. The two recipients will only receive tickets to the event & are responsible for ALL other expenses, including but not limited to travel, lodging, meals, parking, etc. If for some reason either of the winners cannot attend the conference they will be expected to contact one of the hosts immediately so that another winner can be chosen.

Filed Under: Giveaway, God Tagged With: business, Christianity, faith, giveaway, Influence, Influence Conference, Influence Network, Jesus, women bloggers, women in ministry

Honoring the Sabbath Like a Command: My Newest Piece for RELEVANT

October 16, 2014 by Ann 4 Comments

My newest piece is over at RELEVANT today–a consideration of the importance of the Sabbath in our modern lives. I know that God’s heart is for us to be a people who rest Him and trust in Him, and I believe that observing the Sabbath is one of the key ways we can do that practically in our increasingly full lives.

I would love for you to click over, read through it, and let me know your thoughts. Do you observe the Sabbath? Why or why not?

Filed Under: God, Guest Post, Life, Writing Tagged With: Christian, Christianity, church, faith, God, Jesus, Mosiac Law, observing Sabbath, observing the Sabbath, Sabbath, Ten Commandments, time off, vacation

3 Prayers for Every Mom to Pray

October 9, 2014 by Ann Leave a Comment

Earlier this week I had the gift of getting to speak to a MOPS group several suburbs away. The time we shared together was refreshing and fun, and I was able to speak to the group about growing spiritually in a season with little ones. I think that, as moms, we often feel tired—and that makes us feel like growing spiritually is a luxury that we can’t afford between nap times, play-dates, and crazy schedules. My heart was to offer these fellow moms some practical tools for how to stay connected to God even in this wild season of mothering with small kids. And as I’m reflecting on our time together, my heart is turning toward how we, as women, might be able to pray for ourselves and for one another. Not all of us are moms, but all moms need prayer—and lots of it! If you would, take a moment to pray these prayers for the moms that you interact with at work, at church, at the gym. We all need God’s guidance and help as we navigate these waters of learning how to love and live as moms.

Pray that the moms you know would connect meaningfully with Jesus and that they would know their worth in Christ. Getting much-needed quiet time with God can be increasingly difficult in a season where the “quiet” in “quiet time” is MIA for months—or years. Pray that the moms around you would have the space to meet with Jesus consistently and that their personal worth would only stem from who God says they are—not who culture tells them they should be.

Pray that the moms you know would have Godly wisdom to know how to parent their particular children. Mothering isn’t a generic role to fill—each child has their own needs, quirks, and desires. We need God’s wisdom to know how to love our children and lead them as He does.

Pray that the moms you know would have supernatural energy to do all that they need to do in order to mother with love and grace. Kids usually have a lot more energy than their parents—ha! Oftentimes, our fuses are short because we are t-i-r-e-d. Pray that God would refresh and renew the moms that you know.

How might our parenting change if we, as women, prayed these simple prayers for one another consistently? I’d love to join you in praying for the moms in our lives–ourselves included!

Filed Under: God, Motherhood, Parenting Tagged With: children, Christ, Christian, Christian parenting, Christianity, God, Godly wisdom, grace, Jesus, kids, mom, moms, mothering, parenting, prayers, praying for mom, praying for moms, quiet time for moms

Small Home Hospitality: A Guest Post at (in)courage!

October 7, 2014 by Ann 8 Comments

Today, I’m writing for (in)courage about being hospitable in a small home–our small home!

Here is the start of the article. I would love for you to join me at (in)courage!

We have a small home — a split-level condo with two bedrooms and a galley kitchen that never seems to have enough counter space. I know that in most places in the world, our home size would be considered normal, or perhaps even large. But here in affluent suburbia where we live, our square footage is, comparatively, on the compact end of things.

Any time we have more than a handful of people over — such as this last weekend for my daughter’s first birthday party — we run out of seating quickly. Often, guests start spilling onto the stairs, sitting on steps when the couches and chairs are full.

My tendency, in the past, was to worry about the lack of space, to try and fix things by giving up my seat or finding another stool. Because when I saw people sitting on the stairs, my hospitality button got pushed: I didn’t feel like I could provide what my guests needed. I never want anyone to feel uncomfortable in my home — physically or socially — and I was concerned that our small home would make people feel cramped and unwelcome.

Read the rest of the article here!

Filed Under: God, Guest Post, Life, Writing Tagged With: Christian marriage, Christianity, faith, friendship, God, God's faithfulness, guest post, hospitality, incourage, Jesus, kindness, small home, Writing