Motherhood – Page 3

Clothes, Coffee, and Cloth. Or, Starting Over with Stitch Fix: How I Got My Best Fix Ever

September 27, 2015 by Ann 2 Comments

I don’t write much about clothes; in this space, I share a lot about my life and what God is doing in it, about what he’s doing in the world, about how I encounter him in unexpected moments. Occasionally, I’ll highlight a company I believe in who is doing amazing things in the world: Hand & Cloth and Sweet Aroma Coffee are two of my favorites (if you haven’t heard of these organizations, do yourself and the world a favor and hop over to their websites to read about their meaningful missions).

Here’s the truth: the most important thing we should put on every day is love. Still, the other truth is that we all have to wear clothes (at least in public!), and Stitch Fix can be a great option. If you haven’t heard about it, head to the bottom of this post to read about it.*

While I’ve tried Stitch Fix several times, I just recently got a box of clothes where everything worked for me. I’d gotten a few boxes that had been hit or miss; this time, my stylist nailed it. Here’s what I did differently:

I overhauled my Style Profile, and I got ruthless with it. I cut out any color and fabric and style I really didn’t like and stopped trying to leave too many options open for my stylist. I’m up for trying new things–the scarf in this Fix was just that for me–but I also don’t want to be wearing orange.
The Analisse Anorak Jacket: a cargo jacket in a color I love. Win!
I started a Pinterest page solely for my stylist and gave her the link. High maintenance? Maybe. But if I’m going to spend money on a stylist/clothes, I want her to have as much information as she can on my style and what I’m looking for. I pinned 20 images of styles and items that I wanted to try, and pointed out specific ones that I really wanted in my notes.
The Fierro Elbow Patch Crew Neck Sweater
and Evergreen Dream Multi-Bead Necklace from 31 Bits
I told my stylist exactly what I was looking for. In the past, I had mentioned that I loved cardigans. But I got cardigans that were too short or too thin. This time, I told my stylist that I wanted something to cover my rear…and guess what I got? Yep, a long-ish cardigan. Also, I knew I wanted a 31 Bits necklace (another great company!) in bright colors and asked for one. That’s what I got. Our stylists aren’t therapists or best friends. They can’t read our minds. If you really want a total surprise, don’t fill out the notes section. But if you actually need a new pair of high-waisted skinny jeans, don’t just say that you need jeans. Tell your stylist that you need high-waisted skinny jeans. Just like I can’t expect my husband to read my mind, I can’t expect my stylist to read my mind, either. Communicating with a Stitch Fix stylist is just like communicating with anyone: be honest, be clear, be kind. And know that she has her own limitations, too; she can’t get you everything you want. As with Stitch Fix, so with life: you can’t always get what you want.
The Colton Marled Knit Cardigan and
Timber Vintage Plaid Infinity Scarf

*Here’s how Stitch Fix works: you order a “Fix” (a box of clothes) based on a style profile you fill out about yourself–colors, sizes, styles, patterns, lifestyle. A stylist picks five items for you (from sweaters to scarves to earrings to skirts to jeans), which are sent to you in the mail. The five items are a surprise! You try on clothes at home with the wardrobe you actually have, keep what you love, and send the rest back in a pre-paid envelope. It’s remarkably simple.

Why I like Stitch Fix in this season of life:

1. I’m not in a season where I can spend much money on clothes, and I can set my price point with Stitch Fix. Also, if I buy all 5 items in the box, there’s a 25% discount on everything.

2. I don’t have to leave the house. Three words: Toddler. Time. Winter.

3. I can get a “Fix” as often or as rarely as I want. I don’t get mine regularly (although many people do); usually, I request a box when I have an event coming up where I need a specific item (a dress for a wedding, for example).

4. The cost is a $20 styling fee, which goes toward any item you purchase.

5. Stitch Fix works for women in almost any season of life. From teenagers to retirees, they’ve got clothes for women in many stages, sizes (even maternity!), and professions.

If you want to try Stitch Fix, please click this link and I will get a referral credit. And let me know how it works out for you!

Filed Under: Life, Motherhood Tagged With: Analisse Anorak Jacket, Best Fix Ever, Cargo Jacket, Colton Marled Knit Cardigan, Elbow Patch Sweater, Fierro Elbow Patch Crew Neck Sweater, Getting Your Best Fix, Hand and Cloth, Knit Cardigan, Pixley Cargo Jacket, Plaid scarf, put on love, Starting over with Stitch Fix, Stitch Fix, Stitch Fix Cardigan, Stitch Fix review, Sweet Aroma Coffee, Timber Vintage Plaid Infinity Scarf

My Daughter, the Mirror, and Me: Healthy Body Image for Both of Us

June 24, 2015 by Ann 2 Comments

My newest piece is up at Today’s Christian Woman today; I would love for you to read the entire article here!

My daughter loves seeing herself in the mirror, drawn to her parallel image like a magnet. Ever since she has been old enough to recognize her reflection in the glass, she has smiled, giggled, and reached out for herself. It’s a beautiful sight. As one who has fought my own reflection in the mirror, I’m starting to understand these moments as what they truly are: sacred.

Ella is not yet two years old. Her belly is as round as a ball after each meal, and her legs still carry the remnants of baby pudge. She is stretching out, but she is still a little bit baby—a little bit soft. And she adores herself. Now that she’s walking, running, and trying to jump, she will run to the full-length mirror in our room and stand in front of it, watching herself as she moves. She usually dances and shakes her head, giggling at herself. More than once, I have caught myself with tears in my eyes and have prayed that she would always delight in her body like this.

It’s been many years since I have been able to do the same. That freedom, that lack of self-consciousness, that complete joy in her own reflection—that is an experience that I don’t want her to lose. But her growing-up years will take place in a culture that is trying to tell her she has nothing to delight in when she looks in the mirror.

A Lost Freedom

Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I looked in the mirror with pure delight. I do like myself, and I think that I have a healthy self-image. I don’t loathe my body or avoid mirrors, but even when I’m feeling fit and my clothes enhance my figure, I tend to focus on the aspects of my body that I don’t love. I focus on my rounding tummy, the girth of my thighs, the shortness of my eyelashes. And I try to do the work of covering up so as to not draw attention to those parts of my body. I might like how I look, but I rarely completely love what I see.

It’s been this way, to various degrees, since elementary school, when one of my female classmates told me that I had “big thighs.” After that, life was never the same.

I’m not being dramatic. Up until that moment, I had never even considered the size of my thighs. I knew that I had a body and that other people had bodies, but I didn’t consider how my body looked compared to theirs. I just knew that my legs worked well and that they helped me jump when I played basketball—that was all I cared about.

But when my classmate told me that she thought my thighs were big, I started looking at the size of my legs in light of the size of other girls’ legs. I discovered the ugly game of comparison. I shot up quickly in junior high and had knobby knees, but I didn’t develop any discernable bustline until years after many of my peers had needed actual bras. And although I was a bit gangly, I always carried a little weight in my tummy. It seemed that I would never have the perfect body I saw in commercials and magazines.

Nearly two decades later, I know that our culture’s interpretation of the “perfect” body is impossible—at least for me. And I really am okay with that. I’m not always thrilled, but I’ve made peace with my body. It does many things nearly perfectly—I can walk, even run, in this body. I have been able to carry a child. I can talk, and learn, and eat, and smile. These are amazing, nearly-perfect things. And I’m grateful.

Would I be happy if my metabolism was a bit faster? Probably. Would I like it if I had naturally smaller thighs? Sure. But the peace that I’ve gained with my body over these years since elementary school has been hard-won. And that’s why seeing Ella dancing in front of the mirror has both inspired and challenged me.

What She’s Teaching Me

My daughter has no sense of culturally imposed standards of beauty. She rejoices in her own reflection because she has no reason to not like herself; everyone in her life delights in her, and tells her so. Why would she not smile at her own face when she receives smiles on every side?

And this is what I always want her to have: encouragement about her body and praise regarding her internal—and external—beauty. Because she is beautiful. She is beautiful because the Creator of the heavens and the earth knit her together and delights in her (Psalm 139). He wove her every cell together when she was inside me. And still, as the one who holds all things together, he is remaking her, cell by cell, every day (Colossians 1:17). She is a wonder. She should be thrilled when she looks in the mirror! She’s a miracle!

Ella’s wonder with herself is calling me to remember that I, too, am a wonder. My working cells, my breathing lungs, my functioning brain—what a wonder I am! My thighs, knit together by a loving God. My tummy, sustained by an awesome Creator. What a wonder I am!

What a wonder you are! What a miracle, really, that any of us are here, living, gasping, hoping, loving, and speaking. All is wonder, truly.

Read the rest of the article here, at Today’s Christian Woman!

Filed Under: God, Guest Post, Motherhood, Parenting Tagged With: body image, Christian body image, Christians and the body, daughter, do I have a good body, faith, healthy body image, help my daughter with body image, Jesus

Taking Care of Each Other

May 15, 2015 by Ann 1 Comment

I’m honored to be writing for (in)courage today, sharing my heart about friendship and learning to receive care from those who love us. The article starts below, but you can link straight to (in)courage here!

It had been a particularly difficult week, and after a short trip to visit my parents, I was dreading the return to “real life”—a life that I loved but one that currently felt like more than I could handle. We were trying to get our house on the market—a house we would already be losing money on—and had experienced multiple setbacks. I had been sick, the bitterly cold winter was relentless, and my daughter was having trouble sleeping. I was tired, emotionally shot, and worried about our finances with the house.

Still, I had to return to my life, difficult or not. But when I turned the key to our front door, what I found surprised me. It was cleaner than I’d left it! I opened a card on the table and discovered why: my friend Katie had cleaned, left dinner in the fridge, and stuck notes on surfaces throughout the house—notes that reminded me of my value in Christ and His love for me.

I was overwhelmed.

Because I felt—how else can I say it?—I felt taken care of. There is no other way to articulate why Katie’s actions meant so much to me. She had cleaned my house—the house I felt responsible to clean. She had provided dinner for my family—the meal I felt responsible to cook. And she had reminded me that my value was not in what I did, but in whose I was—Christ’s.

As a wife, mom, and teacher, most of my days are spent taking care of others. I rub backs, prepare meals, kiss cheeks, tie shoes, wash dishes, mentor students, write checks, grade papers and give lectures—along with a hundred other things. I can guess that you do numerous things, too. You may not be grading papers or preparing meals, but you’re probably caring for others somehow. You’re probably taking care of those around you.

I think that, as women, we are used to being the nurturers, the ones who take care of others.

But how often do we let others take care of us? How often do we ask others to take care of us?

Please click over and read the rest of the article here, at (in)courage! You can also sign up here to receive free daily encouragement from the writers of (in)courage, right in your inbox!

Filed Under: About, Friendship, God, Guest Post, Life, Motherhood, Parenting Tagged With: am I valuable, do I have value, faith, i feel so tired, incourage, incourage writer, Jesus, my soul feels tired, our value is in Christ, our value is in who we are, our value is in whom we belong to, our value is not in what we do, writing for incourage

How to Thrive as a New Mom

April 20, 2015 by Ann Leave a Comment

My newest piece is up at Darling Magazine: “Thriving with a Newborn.” I’ve written about it before, but the transition into motherhood wasn’t the easiest for me. Through this article, I’m hoping that my distilled experience can offer the equivalent of a warm hug to some of you as new moms (or as soon-to-be new moms). Be encouraged; there is grace in the challenging seasons, and hope is always around the corner!

Four weeks after my daughter was born, I had never known a love as fierce and all-consuming as the love I had for her. But I was also exhausted, and feeling unsteady. Those early days — full of the lack of sleep and the crazy hormones — had me running on empty.

How to Thrive as a New Mom: give yourself lots of grace and set low expectations...#mom Share on X

Although the newborn stage is short in the grand scheme of life, it can feel unending when you’re living in it. The constant needs of a newborn, the wacky sleep schedule, the high emotions — they are intense, intense things. Thankfully, I made it through, and I would say that I was even able to thrive during those early days with Ella, although it felt different than I thought it would.

So, while I’m not a perfect parent by any stretch of the imagination, or even a long-time parent, here are my four how-tos for thriving in those first weeks and months of motherhood.

1. Set attainable goals.
Prior to having a child, I had been used to accomplishing lots of things every day. I achieved at work, I developed friendships, I cooked meals and washed clothes and bought groceries. But now, I had two goals: keep Ella alive, and keep myself alive. Ella’s needs, although high, were straightforward: milk, sleep, touch. For me to stay alive was very different. I needed food, yes, and I desperately needed sleep. Friends brought meals and family watched Ella while I napped. But I also needed hope — which leads to my second goal.

New moms: don't beat yourself up because you aren't getting much done. You're protecting and nurturing a new life. Wow. #mom Share on X

2. Take a few minutes for yourself everyday.
Even if it’s short, even if it doesn’t look like it used to. My emotional lifeline in those early weeks was dependent upon me getting a few moments to think, reflect, and pray every day. Some days, even getting fifteen minutes alone felt like a battle, and then I would sit and read and journal my prayers through tears or drooping eyelids. Sometimes I just turned on music; sometimes I read. But I needed several moments every day where I wasn’t responsible for this new person in order to internally re-charge. Take that time for yourself; it isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.

Read about the other two points here, over at Darling’s site!

Filed Under: Baby, Life, Motherhood, Parenting Tagged With: ask for help as a new mom, babies, being a mom is tough, does having a baby get easier, healthy children, healthy kids, how to be a good mom, losing my mind with a baby, motherhood, newborn, newborn stage, thriving with a newborn, thriving with kids

Kids Aren’t the Priority. Marriage Is.

April 14, 2015 by Ann 3 Comments

My newest piece is up at RELEVANT Magazine–a piece about how to cultivate a healthy marriage after kids come along. It’s something I’m passionate about, both personally and culturally, and I’ve written about it for Today’s Christian Woman, as well. Read the start of the article below:

I was concerned that becoming parents might weaken our marriage. I wasn’t afraid that it would ruin our marriage. Michael and I had made promises to God and each other to stay the course, come hell or high water. We also had—and still have—a deep friendship and camaraderie in our relationship. But I was, admittedly, nervous that having a child might throw some of that off-kilter—that, perhaps, adding another human being in the mix might strain our connection and closeness.

And you know what?

It did.

Our daughter was born on our seventh anniversary, and her birthday has become symbolic to me: Those things that were solely about me and my husband—the things that used to be just about us—those things have shifted. Even our marriage—our very anniversary—is shared, now.

And that’s a good thing.

Because although it feels like it might rub me raw some days, getting to be a parent is a gift. God’s word unabashedly declares that children are a blessing from him (Psalm 127:3-5), that each child is intentionally created by God (Psalm 139), and that children show us a picture of what it means to be great in the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 18:1-3). I believe in the Bible. And I also believe my experience—my daughter is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

But being a parent is also a gift because it can strengthen our marriages, if we are intentional about growing as parents and spouses. Growing as parents without growing as spouses is putting the proverbial cart before the horse, and both the marriage and the parenting will suffer. But the opportunity to grow as friends and lovers—as husband and wife—as we are parenting? This is a truly good gift.

Growing as parents without growing as spouses is putting the proverbial cart before the horse. Share on X

Here’s how to be purposeful about growing as spouses even as we parent those small humans who are making lots of noise in the house:

Make Time Just for the Two of You

Yes, it’s going to be a lot harder to get one-on-one, meaningful time together now that you’re parents. But do it anyway; your marriage is worth it.

When Michael and I were dating, engaged and then married before becoming parents, we had so much time to be together. Time to explore the arboretum. Time to talk over long meals. Time to see movies and sleep in. Now, as parents (and remember, we only have one right now; God bless all parents of multiple children. Amen.), a lot of our time is spent doing parent-y things: feeding our child, playing with our child, reading to our child, bathing, cleaning and clothing our child. Her schedule shapes a great deal of what we can and can’t do.

So we have a weekly date night. Sometimes we get a sitter and go out. Sometimes we talk and eat ice cream and watch a movie at home after she goes to bed (Alleluia for the 7:30 p.m. bed time). But we are consistent about making time to meaningfully connect so that we can operate as friends and lovers … and not solely as parenting partners.

Make time to connect as spouses so you don't operate solely as parenting partners. Share on X

Serve Your Spouse, Not Just Your Kids

Before children, it’s just easier to care for our spouse—to stop at the store and pick up a favorite cereal when we’re running low, or to refill the gas tank in the car before it drops to E. But when the days fill up with attending to the basic needs of children, we can get worn out with serving anyone but ourselves.

The gift in this, though, is that parenting reminds us in fresh ways that it’s not all about me. Caring for one or two or 10 little humans forces us to put the needs of another before our own—often to a degree that we’ve never had to experience before. Waking up 10 times in one night? Sure. Making meals and washing clothes for kids who don’t have the fine motor skills to do it for themselves? Of course.

But if we’re so exhausted by serving our kids that we can’t—or won’t—serve our spouse, we’re headed down the wrong path. We may not be able to fill up the gas tank on a whim or pick up roses on the way home, but we can still serve our spouse in simple, thoughtful ways through the week. A note left on a dashboard, the offer to take the kids while she gets a night out, or the willingness to clean the dishes—these little acts of service help keep marriages healthy in the midst of exhausting days and years.

Read the rest of the article here, at RELEVANT!

Squeezed for Time and Resting in God

March 10, 2015 by Ann 1 Comment

When you’re juggling a lot of roles–wife, employee, mom, student, friend, sister–or any other number of roles–it can feel like there’s no margin in our lives. We feel tired, exhausted, maybe even worn-down. And in that mental state, it can seem harder and harder to believe that there’s some sort of dim light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I have days where it feels like my season will never change–that I’ll always feel tired, or that I’ll always be pressed for time.

And you know what I’m having to come to terms with? That might actually be the case. From now until I die, I might always feel hard-pressed, squeezed, even, for time. In his book, The Sacred Journey, Frederick Buechner writes about how children are the ones who live “below time;” they do not experience time in the same way as adults do because they do not yet have a sense of its earthly finiteness, nor do they carry the responsibilities that we do once we grow up. At some point, though, all of us open the door unto time and find ourselves living within the reality of limited days. Most of us are always a bit wistful for the days of carefree timelessness. But we cannot go back.

And so, yes I have lost that sense of timelessness, of freedom away from the clock. I have roles and responsibilities that will forever keep me from being free of the constraints of time. But I would not trade those good things for unhindered freedom. Every thing that truly matters requires tethering, especially love.

Every thing that truly matters requires tethering, especially love. Share on X

And so I am tethered to these roles and responsibilities, and sometimes I feel like I might break under the weight of them. But then I find that I am able to bend a bit more, and I find that I’m living in the grace of Christ, who does not break those who are already bending. He upholds us. He strengthens us. He fights on our behalf.

So, then, how can I live peacefully when time always feels thin? Well, in the midst of unending demands and requirements on our time, it is important–even necessary–to give ourselves time to rest. I’ve already written about why I believe the Sabbath is so central to our rhythms of weekly life, but on the smaller scale of day-to-day life, how can we rest? How can we allow ourselves to take short breaks in the midst of our days so that we don’t break under the weight of our responsibilities?

There are many ways to do this, but here are five of my favorite, simple ways to rest daily:

1. Connecting with Christ. This is so important for me–I’ve written more about it here, but the fact is that unless I’m staying close to Jesus, everything else feels overwhelming and stressful. Half an hour with him in the morning shifts my mindset toward His priorities and gives me the grace I need to do all that I’m called to do. This can look different for all of us, but my time with God in the morning includes reading the Word, praying, and journaling.

2. Choosing Gratitude. It’s amazing how quickly thankfulness can change my attitude and my perspective. If I can make the choice to say–out loud–three things that I’m thankful for, I’m usually humbled to bits–in the best sense. I have been given so much, and God is with me through it all.

3. A long(ish) shower. I’m not joking. When you can close (and lock!) the door, a shower offers a little time to let my brain rest, let my body rest, and let my senses rest. If you have time for a long soak, even better!

4. Five minutes in silence. Put down the phone, the remote, the headphones. Sit, quietly, and try to let all of the tension seep out of your body. Ask God for a fresh dose of His peace in your heart, mind, and bones.

5. A hot drink in the wintertime, a cold drink in the summertime. The sensory power of being refreshed or warmed is something that often brings me a few moments of pleasure, gratefulness, and peace–if I attend to my senses and allow myself to slow down.

Even in the busy days that most of us find ourselves in, there is grace from Christ to live peacefully. Small steps like these can help us slow down and be present in the life that we are living–they can even help us meet God in the midst of the busyness.

Filed Under: God, Life, Marriage, Motherhood Tagged With: burn out, burnout, busy, Christianity, daily ways to rest, daily ways to rest so we don't burn out, faith, God rested, hope, How do I rest, how to not burn out, Jesus, life, refreshment, too busy, ways to rest