Marriage – Page 7

Dating Your Husband: The Hows & Whys

May 21, 2014 by Ann 6 Comments

It seems fitting, during this week of the year, that I have an article up at Darling Magazine entitled “Mom’s The Word: Dating Your Husband.” As a woman who became a wife and a mother during the month of May, seven years apart, writing this article reminded me afresh of the reasons why Michael and I are so committed to continuing to date. You can read it here, but I’m including the basics below:

The Whys

Time is a valuable gift.
Making time to date one another in a season of life that is very busy (and shows no signs of slowing down any time soon) is a priceless gift we can give our spouse. Time is a precious commodity to both of us, and when we willingly spend that time with one another, we are saying you are worth my time. And because our lives are made up of just that—time—we are saying, in essence, you are worth my life.

Dating Your Husband: The Hows & Whys Share on X

We invest in what we value.
If you’re like me and you’re not rolling in money, the components of getting a date with your spouse can seem too costly sometimes—paying for a date and a sitter can really add up. Yet, we invest in what we value; that doesn’t mean we have to spend loads of money to date, but we do have to invest in cultivating our relationship as a couple.

When we short-change our spouse, we short-change the family.
As a mom, I want Ella to have everything she needs (and more). But more than many other things, children want to know that their parents are in love and that they enjoy one another; this brings peace and stability to a home. Having a consistent date night doesn’t guarantee a healthy marriage, but it does offer intentional space to grow together as a couple.

The Hows

Intentional connection.
Date night won’t add much to a relationship if there is no real connection. While watching a TV show together can be fun, it’s also important to create space to talk and continue to get to know one another. We’ve even purchased books to help jumpstart these conversations—and we keep learning about each other in the process.

Keep it simple.
Sometimes, the thought of planning a date night—on top of everything else—can seem like a burden rather than a blessing. So, most of the time, we keep it simple: dinner at one of our regular spots, coffee at our favorite cafe. It’s not the place and the surroundings that matter—it’s the time you get with one another. If you’re stuck in a routine and you need to break out of it, look at the options at your local library or community college–many offer one-night classes where you can learn a new skill, such as a cooking class or an art class.

Sometimes, go fancy.
The caveat to keeping things simple is that there are times when a fancy night out or adventurous date is exactly what you both need. New experiences together are fun and bonding, so put on your heels, compliment his tie, and make a reservation at your favorite restaurant or go see a show together in the city! Or, if you’re more of the adventurous type, go to your local climbing wall and spend an hour with an instructor, learning how to climb. Take a salsa dancing class or a country-line dancing class. The options are endless!

Either way, make it happen.
Regardless of what you do, actually having a date together is the key. If Michael and I only had a date night on the weeks it was convenient, we would never get one. But we are committed to investing in our marriage in this way, and so we make it work, even if it’s a shared dessert at home after Ella goes to sleep or a walk at the park with her in a stroller while we talk.

How about you? Do you and your spouse have regular dates? What do they look like?

Filed Under: Guest Post, Marriage Tagged With: date night, dating, husband, marriage, nonnegotiable date night, practical dating tips, practical tips, wife

Great is His Faithfulness

May 20, 2014 by Ann 4 Comments

Eight years ago today, I stood in a circle with my bridesmaids, and together we sang this hymn before I walked down the aisle to my groom.

“Great is Thy faithfulness,” O God my Father, 
There is no shadow of turning with Thee; 
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not 
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.”

“Great is Thy faithfulness!” “Great is Thy faithfulness!“
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
“Great is Thy faithfulness,” Lord, unto me”

“Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.”

One year ago today, Ella was born when the sky was still dark.

“Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.”

And every night when I put her to bed, I sing the same hymn.

God has saved us, loved us, and carried us through these eight years.
I am so, so grateful.
He is good, and his love endures forever. Alleluia!

Filed Under: About, Baby, God, Marriage

A Day of Waiting

May 19, 2014 by Ann 4 Comments

One year ago today, I was in labor. Ella wasn’t born until the 20th, and there were many hours ahead of me before her arrival. I was excited, a little nervous, and thrilled that she was finally arriving.

Eight years ago today, I was at our rehearsal dinner. Our wedding was on the 20th, and there was only one shell of a day between being single and being married. I was excited, a little nervous, and thrilled to finally marry the man I loved so much.

One day makes such a difference.

There is always a ledge that we wait on before change comes in our lives. For me, the 19th of May is a reminder that waiting on the cusp of that change is also a blessed place.

Waiting can be a place of blessing.

Labor–although difficult and not what I expected in many ways–was a powerful time of unity with Michael as we walked the halls of the hospital trying to speed Ella’s entrance into the world. I stared into his eyes and breathed through each contraction–and I knew that I was not alone. He was with me. The hours we lived through together when I was in labor, prior to Ella’s birth, hold sweet memories for me.

The day before our wedding, full of conversation and a shared meal with our families and the exchange of wedding gifts to one another–that last day of waiting before stepping into marriage was a gift in itself. In that day of waiting I was reminded of the many, many people who loved us and were willing to upend their schedules and travel long distances simply to stand with us and by us as we promised our lives to one another.

Tomorrow is a great day of celebration in our little family. Ella’s birthday, our anniversary–and, amazingly, my sister and brother-in-law’s anniversary as well. We have much to rejoice in!

But today is important, too. I remember the anticipation that leads to these changes–the days and hours and years of waiting that are just as important as the change itself. May 19th points me to a God who is faithful in the changes and the celebrations that life offers, and also to a God who is faithful in the waiting, whether that waiting is filled with nervousness, hope, or hard, hard labor.

We are not alone. He is always, always with us.

How are you meeting God in the waiting of your life this week–or this year?

Filed Under: About, Baby, God, Life, Marriage, Uncategorized

Renewing Our Vows

May 5, 2014 by Ann Leave a Comment

May is our anniversary month; this year we will mark our eighth anniversary. We are on the far side of the first decade, now, and I am so, so grateful for our marriage.

A while ago, I wrote an article for Today’s Christian Woman about why we chose to renew our vows. I hope it encourages you–whether you are married or not. Marriage is a meant to be a beautiful picture of Christ and the Church, and Michael and I are seeking to reflect that in our own marriage, flawed as we are…

During our first year of marriage, Michael turned to me. I don’t remember the context or the occasion for his words, but I remember what he said. “Marriage isn’t celebrated nearly enough,” Michael said. “How about, every five years, we either throw a big party or go on a trip?”

I agreed and smiled, tucking away what he said in the back of my mind.

Last spring, as our five-year anniversary was approaching, I reminded Michael of those words.

“How about a vow-renewal party to celebrate five years?” I asked him. My little sister was getting married within the year, and I had been looking at wedding blogs and magazines with her. Vow renewals were becoming more popular, and as a romantic, I was smitten with the idea.

He raised his eyebrows quizzically. “What would that involve?”

“It would basically be a party where we have a short ceremony and say our marriage vows again. I think it would be a great chance to celebrate God’s faithfulness to us over these last five years.”

A week later, after thinking and praying together, we decided to nail down a date. “I love the idea,” Michael told me. “We can recommit to one another in front of our community and celebrate the gift of marriage together!”

A Community-Focused Celebration

Michael and I love our marriage, and although our marriage has not (yet) been long in years, we act as a source of counsel, encouragement, and challenge to many other couples in our church, where Michael is a pastor. We are strong proponents of marriage and love helping others catch the vision of biblically centered and peace-filled unions.

Together, we started brainstorming about the deeper purpose of our vow renewal.

“You know, we didn’t know any of the people in our church when we got married five years ago,” I mentioned to him.

Michael was nodding. “It’s crazy, isn’t it? Because we moved to a different church, our entire community has changed since the wedding. So many times, I’ve thought about how strange it is that none of our current friends were there when we got married.”

“Right! And I know that they know we’re committed to our marriage vows, but there is something really meaningful about speaking vows in front of people who see you week in and week out.”

Michael was tapping his pen on the kitchen table. “That’s a big part of the reason I’m really getting excited about this party. Saying our vows again—with our friends there—gives us and them a higher level of accountability in our marriage.” He stopped tapping his pen and looked at me, then at the list of people we were going to invite. “This will be so fun.”

Read the rest of the article here.

Filed Under: About, Marriage Tagged With: anniversary, believer, Christian marriage, Christian vow renewal, faith, Jesus, marriage, promise, vow, vow renewal, wedding

The Best Day of My Life Was Not My Wedding Day

March 20, 2014 by Ann 10 Comments

I recently had a former student email me some questions she had. She was wrestling through things in that email, big questions about life and living as a woman in our culture, and something she wrote struck me like a bell. She said that our culture points to the belief that a woman’s wedding day–the day those vows are made at the altar–is the best day of your life.

She is single. She is wondering if she will have that day. But you know what she wrote me, what floored and humbled me?

She wrote that she is choosing to believe that the day she vowed her life to Jesus was the best day of her life.

Yes, I say in response. Yes and yes and yes again. And so, here is my response to her:

Yes, the day you gave your life to Jesus was the best day of your life. It always will be.

But first, you must come to terms with the fact that you have not had a wedding day. That day you long for–it was not that. You did not walk down any aisle draped in layers of white, and you did not have a hundred guests watching you pace in time with beautiful music. You did not lock your eyes with a man who had won your heart for months and years, with a man who had paid for a diamond that sparkled like fire on your hand.

You did not stand in front of a priest or a pastor and promise all faithfulness unto death, for richer or poorer, for better and worse.

The best day of your life was not your wedding day. This day is even better. Share on X

You did not have a reception afterwards where you toasted and cut cake and danced and laughed and hugged.

You have not had any of that. I can offer no promises to you that you will have any of that before you die.

But here is what you have had, sister and friend. On that day when you gave your life to Jesus, whether you were four or fourteen or twenty-four: here is what did happen.

You walked down the aisle of your life covered, like me, in the rags of brokenness and shame. Thousands upon thousands of angels looked on and celebrated–God himself, in fact, celebrated your steps toward himself. You looked at the Man waiting for you there–the One who had been wooing you and had finally won your heart over months and years, the man who paid for your life not in diamonds but with his own blood.

You stood in front of him, both High Priest and Shepherd, and accepted him. And then he made promises to you–promises of faithfulness unto death, promises of giving you true riches, promises of never leaving or forsaking you.

And you left that moment clothed in his righteousness that covered–removed–all of those rags you had come to him with. You left as one washed clean and made pure.

The Great Reception is coming–a party that will surpass all others. There, you will share a cup with Him and there will be music and laughter and hugging so rich that all eternity will hardly be enough to contain it.

So yes, that day–that day when you gave your life to Jesus was the best day of your life. It was mine, too.

Filed Under: God, Marriage, Truth-Telling Tagged With: best day of my life, bride, Christian marriage, Christianity, faith, groom, Jesus, love, marriage, salvation, wedding

On Being a “Good Wife”

March 19, 2014 by Ann 5 Comments

I have an article up over on Todays Christian Woman this morning, and it deals with the concept of being “good”–and how it’s ok that we’ll never measure up in the ways we want to. There’s freedom in embracing who we are–and in the fact that Christ is all the goodness we need. The start of the article is below:

Here’s the start of the article:

I had been crying regularly for three weeks when Michael gave me the ultimatum.

“Either you quit something or I’m going to quit it for you.” His voice was filled with compassion, but it also carried an edge. “You’re going crazy, Ann, and you’re taking me with you.”

I burst into fresh tears. “I can’t quit anything, Michael! I have to work and I’m not quitting school and you know I’m not going to stop being involved at church! And—and—there are always dishes! I paused for a second before continuing, “We’re only three months into marriage and I’m already failing!”

It had been three months since Michael and I had gotten married. In that timeframe, I had started graduate school as a full time student, was working two jobs, had responsibilities at church, and felt the new and added burden of trying to keep our apartment sparkling and make dinner every night, not to mention trying to learn what it meant to be a wife. I was trying to do it all and was, in my mind, failing—the apartment was a mess, I was too exhausted to cook on most evenings, I was fighting to stay up on my graduate work, and I was constantly stressed.

“Ann, you’re not failing!” His voice softened. “We are not failing.” Michael was concerned. “Where are all of these expectations that you’re putting on yourself coming from? It’s not like I care if everything is perfect in the apartment or if dinner is on the table every night. Who are you comparing yourself to?”

And the lightbulb went on: my mom.

A realization

My mother is one of my best friends. She is bright, beautiful, and has more energy than anyone I know. She is also a spectacular wife, employee, hostess, small group leader, cook, and church member. On top of that, she only needs about five hours of sleep every night to be able to get up and do it all over again.

In that moment, God revealed the expectations that I had unwittingly—and unconsciously—placed on myself. Somewhere, deep down, I went into marriage believing that in order to be a “good wife,” I needed to be my mother. I never spoke the thought, never even realized how much I believed it, but it was coloring our young marriage.

My mother is a fantastic cook, and as a child, Mom had homemade dinners on the table nearly every night, so I assumed I should be able to do the same thing. Mom always got the dishes done after dinner, so I thought I ought to be doing that as well. She worked part-time and was completely capable of opening our home to school and church groups in the evenings, and so I expected the same thing of myself. It wasn’t that my mother or my father or even Michael had required these things of me—they all, in fact, told me to not put so much pressure on myself. But my mother was the model that I grew up with, and I had internally swallowed her wonderful capabilities and took them on as expectations for myself that neither God nor my husband asked of me.