Life – Page 7

Trusting God When Life Changes

April 27, 2015 by Ann 4 Comments

Endings are that strange and mystical combination of sorrow punctuated with joy, of hope dancing with nostalgia. Our little family is coming to the end of many things in these coming weeks as we prepare for what is ahead, and within a two-week span, both Michael and I are coming to the end of jobs we have loved and lived for years.

Yesterday was Michael’s last day on staff as a pastor at the church that we have been a part of for nearly eight years. We are moving to a new state so that he can finish his seminary degree, and yesterday we had the gift of preaching (together!) one last time to the church community that has so richly shaped us.

We are thankful. Thankful for fellow believers who have pointed us to Jesus and ministered to us even as we have ministered to them. Thankful for the countless nights of small groups and meetings and prayer times and worship sessions. Thankful for truth spoken to us on wonderful and difficult days. Thankful for weddings and babies and celebrations of many kinds. Thankful for friends who have held us up and counted the cost with us. Thankful for camaraderie in the Kingdom.

But new beginnings cannot come without endings, and yesterday was a day of ending our official ties with that church family. Tears? Yes. Laughter? Yes. Hugs? Most definitely, yes.

And also, expectation. For the first time in my life, I am not terrified of the unknown. Perhaps, for you, change is a wonderful and heady thing. For me, change has always felt gut-wrenching, difficult, gear-grinding tight. I have never loved change; I have usually avoided it.

But in this season where God has invited us to lay down all that we have known and step into something strikingly new, I am filled with hope. I am filled with expectation. I am filled, even, with joy.

I am learning that this joy is the fruit of obedience; joy is the natural response of saying “Yes!” to God.

Jesus talks about this very thing right before he obeys all the way to his death on the cross. He is sharing his heart with his closest friends, here in the hours before his dying:

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.” John 15:9-11

God loves us. He loves us! And when we obey his commands–when we say yes to him–we not only experience his love, but we receive the treasure trove of joy he has to offer.

What kindness! We are broken, sinful, selfish people, and yet when we make the choice to obey God (which is what we should do anyway) he meets us in the place of obedience with love and with joy. Love and joy–the two things our hearts desire perhaps most of all–are found in obedience to God.

Love and joy--the two things our hearts desire perhaps most of all--are found in obedience to God. Share on X

And this is the pearl that God is forming in me in this season. As I rub up against the pain of leaving our home and our community for what he is calling us into, I am finding that there is such deep joy in obedience that I hardly know what to do with it. At present, the circumstances we are in are foggy at best: timing, finances and jobs are all up in the air. But I am so hopeful. So expectant. So joy-filled!

As one who used to be so afraid of change, I am surprised to find such tenderness in my heart. I have moments of fear and concern, of course, but I have more moments of joy and delight. And I am thankful. I am thankful that as good things are coming to an end, I know there is deeper joy up ahead–not because of the circumstances, but because Jesus is there.

He is, after all, the pearl of greatest price, the treasure trove of joy himself.

As we obey his call, I am meeting Jesus afresh at every turn. And the joy in him is the greatest gift of all.

Filed Under: About, God, Life, Marriage, Ministry Tagged With: Biblical encouragement for moving, change is hard where is God, Christianity, faith, faith in hard times, faith when you have to move, finding Jesus in hard things, hope in hard times, Jesus, joy in obedience, joy in obeying, love of God, moving, obedience, things are hard where is God, trusting God, trusting God in change, trusting God in hard times, trusting God in the unknown, trusting God when life changes, trusting Jesus, trusting Jesus when life changes

How to Thrive as a New Mom

April 20, 2015 by Ann Leave a Comment

My newest piece is up at Darling Magazine: “Thriving with a Newborn.” I’ve written about it before, but the transition into motherhood wasn’t the easiest for me. Through this article, I’m hoping that my distilled experience can offer the equivalent of a warm hug to some of you as new moms (or as soon-to-be new moms). Be encouraged; there is grace in the challenging seasons, and hope is always around the corner!

Four weeks after my daughter was born, I had never known a love as fierce and all-consuming as the love I had for her. But I was also exhausted, and feeling unsteady. Those early days — full of the lack of sleep and the crazy hormones — had me running on empty.

How to Thrive as a New Mom: give yourself lots of grace and set low expectations...#mom Share on X

Although the newborn stage is short in the grand scheme of life, it can feel unending when you’re living in it. The constant needs of a newborn, the wacky sleep schedule, the high emotions — they are intense, intense things. Thankfully, I made it through, and I would say that I was even able to thrive during those early days with Ella, although it felt different than I thought it would.

So, while I’m not a perfect parent by any stretch of the imagination, or even a long-time parent, here are my four how-tos for thriving in those first weeks and months of motherhood.

1. Set attainable goals.
Prior to having a child, I had been used to accomplishing lots of things every day. I achieved at work, I developed friendships, I cooked meals and washed clothes and bought groceries. But now, I had two goals: keep Ella alive, and keep myself alive. Ella’s needs, although high, were straightforward: milk, sleep, touch. For me to stay alive was very different. I needed food, yes, and I desperately needed sleep. Friends brought meals and family watched Ella while I napped. But I also needed hope — which leads to my second goal.

New moms: don't beat yourself up because you aren't getting much done. You're protecting and nurturing a new life. Wow. #mom Share on X

2. Take a few minutes for yourself everyday.
Even if it’s short, even if it doesn’t look like it used to. My emotional lifeline in those early weeks was dependent upon me getting a few moments to think, reflect, and pray every day. Some days, even getting fifteen minutes alone felt like a battle, and then I would sit and read and journal my prayers through tears or drooping eyelids. Sometimes I just turned on music; sometimes I read. But I needed several moments every day where I wasn’t responsible for this new person in order to internally re-charge. Take that time for yourself; it isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.

Read about the other two points here, over at Darling’s site!

Filed Under: Baby, Life, Motherhood, Parenting Tagged With: ask for help as a new mom, babies, being a mom is tough, does having a baby get easier, healthy children, healthy kids, how to be a good mom, losing my mind with a baby, motherhood, newborn, newborn stage, thriving with a newborn, thriving with kids

Kids Aren’t the Priority. Marriage Is.

April 14, 2015 by Ann 3 Comments

My newest piece is up at RELEVANT Magazine–a piece about how to cultivate a healthy marriage after kids come along. It’s something I’m passionate about, both personally and culturally, and I’ve written about it for Today’s Christian Woman, as well. Read the start of the article below:

I was concerned that becoming parents might weaken our marriage. I wasn’t afraid that it would ruin our marriage. Michael and I had made promises to God and each other to stay the course, come hell or high water. We also had—and still have—a deep friendship and camaraderie in our relationship. But I was, admittedly, nervous that having a child might throw some of that off-kilter—that, perhaps, adding another human being in the mix might strain our connection and closeness.

And you know what?

It did.

Our daughter was born on our seventh anniversary, and her birthday has become symbolic to me: Those things that were solely about me and my husband—the things that used to be just about us—those things have shifted. Even our marriage—our very anniversary—is shared, now.

And that’s a good thing.

Because although it feels like it might rub me raw some days, getting to be a parent is a gift. God’s word unabashedly declares that children are a blessing from him (Psalm 127:3-5), that each child is intentionally created by God (Psalm 139), and that children show us a picture of what it means to be great in the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 18:1-3). I believe in the Bible. And I also believe my experience—my daughter is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

But being a parent is also a gift because it can strengthen our marriages, if we are intentional about growing as parents and spouses. Growing as parents without growing as spouses is putting the proverbial cart before the horse, and both the marriage and the parenting will suffer. But the opportunity to grow as friends and lovers—as husband and wife—as we are parenting? This is a truly good gift.

Growing as parents without growing as spouses is putting the proverbial cart before the horse. Share on X

Here’s how to be purposeful about growing as spouses even as we parent those small humans who are making lots of noise in the house:

Make Time Just for the Two of You

Yes, it’s going to be a lot harder to get one-on-one, meaningful time together now that you’re parents. But do it anyway; your marriage is worth it.

When Michael and I were dating, engaged and then married before becoming parents, we had so much time to be together. Time to explore the arboretum. Time to talk over long meals. Time to see movies and sleep in. Now, as parents (and remember, we only have one right now; God bless all parents of multiple children. Amen.), a lot of our time is spent doing parent-y things: feeding our child, playing with our child, reading to our child, bathing, cleaning and clothing our child. Her schedule shapes a great deal of what we can and can’t do.

So we have a weekly date night. Sometimes we get a sitter and go out. Sometimes we talk and eat ice cream and watch a movie at home after she goes to bed (Alleluia for the 7:30 p.m. bed time). But we are consistent about making time to meaningfully connect so that we can operate as friends and lovers … and not solely as parenting partners.

Make time to connect as spouses so you don't operate solely as parenting partners. Share on X

Serve Your Spouse, Not Just Your Kids

Before children, it’s just easier to care for our spouse—to stop at the store and pick up a favorite cereal when we’re running low, or to refill the gas tank in the car before it drops to E. But when the days fill up with attending to the basic needs of children, we can get worn out with serving anyone but ourselves.

The gift in this, though, is that parenting reminds us in fresh ways that it’s not all about me. Caring for one or two or 10 little humans forces us to put the needs of another before our own—often to a degree that we’ve never had to experience before. Waking up 10 times in one night? Sure. Making meals and washing clothes for kids who don’t have the fine motor skills to do it for themselves? Of course.

But if we’re so exhausted by serving our kids that we can’t—or won’t—serve our spouse, we’re headed down the wrong path. We may not be able to fill up the gas tank on a whim or pick up roses on the way home, but we can still serve our spouse in simple, thoughtful ways through the week. A note left on a dashboard, the offer to take the kids while she gets a night out, or the willingness to clean the dishes—these little acts of service help keep marriages healthy in the midst of exhausting days and years.

Read the rest of the article here, at RELEVANT!

4 Questions to Ask When Making a Big Decision

April 13, 2015 by Ann Leave a Comment

In a season where our little family is making some huge decisions that are going to affect the rest of our lives, I’m thankful that we had an intentional process that we walked through before making those big choices. I’m sharing my newest piece over at RELEVANT, about the four questions to ask when it’s time to make a big decision. Here’s the start of the article:

This summer, my husband and I will pack up all of our things, strap our daughter in her car seat, and drive to a different state—a state where we currently have no jobs, no housing and no community. Why? For my husband to pursue a graduate degree.

Are we crazy, stupid or silly to be leaving established jobs, a strong community and a house we own for my husband to pursue a degree?

Maybe.

Or maybe we’re following God.

By faith, I believe we’re doing the latter—I believe that this step we are taking is actually a response of obedience to God. Still, from the perspective of those who don’t know us, our choice to move may seem ridiculous or even irresponsible.

But how we got here was anything but irresponsible; we took practical, intentional steps to make this decision to move. We sought God’s voice and direction in multiple ways by involving our church, our friends and our families in the decision-making process. And we believe that the steps that we have taken helped us discern God’s will and hear His voice in the process so that we can move to a new city this summer with confidence and hope.

It is in big decisions like these—decisions regarding calling, career, community, marriage—that we need clarity regarding how we can hear God and seek to determine His will for our lives. There are no hard-and-fast rules from the Bible regarding how we make decisions: We don’t always put fleeces outside, we don’t always fast for three days, we don’t always see a burning bush. Similarly, God does not always speak to us the same way—He can speak through multiple people, experiences and interactions.

When it’s time to make a big decision, here are four questions to ask as we seek to hear how God might be speaking through several of those avenues in our lives:

The 4 questions to ask when making a big decision... Share on X

1. What Does the Scripture Say?

While the Bible doesn’t tell us specifically to take one job over another or marry one person instead of another, the Word does have tenets that can—and should—guide these types of decisions. For example, the Bible cautions us to keep our minds fixed on “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8).

Will the job that you are considering help you live a life of truth, honor and purity? Will that person you are thinking about marrying help you praise God and live a commendable life before Him? We need to keep the Word of God at the center of our discussions about the decisions in front of us—it is meant to be our plumb line and our source of wisdom and truth in all things.

2. What Does Our Community Say?

As Christians, we are meant to live in a broader community of fellow believers whom we worship with, spend time with and do the work of the Kingdom with. In all of its various permutations around the world, this is Church—all of us with various gifts and abilities that build up the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12).

Those around us who are fellow believers carry the Spirit of Christ within them, and they can often see our lives, personalities and tendencies more clearly than we can see them in ourselves. We need to invite others into our decision-making process, prodding them to ask the tough questions we shy away from—questions about motivation and calling. We also need them to offer encouraging words when they sense that we are moving in the right direction.

We need to invite others into our decision-making processes... Share on X

If your close community senses health in your dating relationship, ask your friends if they think marriage with your significant other would be wise—and then also ask why. If you are considering pursuing a degree in hotel management, ask your close friends if they see the skills and gifts in you that would enable you to do that job well. To receive their feedback will require humility, and it may also protect us from unwise decisions.

3. What Does Our Leadership Say?

Churches have leadership structures, whether formal or informal. And while leaders are fallible and sinful, just as anyone is, they have been charged by God to “equip the saints for the work of ministry” (Ephesians 4:12). Their role is to help us develop into men and women who are able to carry out the work of the Gospel and to proclaim the Good News that Christ came to save sinners.

Ideally, our leaders know us and can affirm God’s call on our lives, and can bless us and send us out into new endeavors. Talking with a trusted leader about the decision we are seeking to make can often (but not always) lead to a fuller insight regarding our role in the larger body of Christ, and that can help us to see the decision before us in a clearer light.

4. What Do We Sense God is Speaking to Us Personally?

Prayer—consistent, intentional prayer—should be a central part of any decision-making process, and it should include time both speaking to God as well as time spent seeking to listen to His response. Do we have a sense of peace when we pray about one choice and a sense of anxiety when we pray about another? Does a specific scripture come to mind when we are praying about the decision at hand? Do we hear the voice of Christ voice speaking direction to us (John 10:27)? If so, we can take that word, that peace (or anxiety), or that Scripture back to our community to ask our friends to help us sift through the options ahead of us.

When there seems to be a consensus with most, or all, of these aspects in our lives—Scripture, prayer, community, leadership—we can move forward with somewhat of a sense of clarity about what decision to make. Sometimes, the clarity is that either choice we make will be good; sometimes, the clarity is that neither choice would be beneficial. Regardless, making any decision in isolation isn’t advisable—neither by the Bible nor by common sense: “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed” (Proverbs 15:22). Choosing wise counsel—from advisers and friends who love God and love us—will help us align with God’s leading in our lives.

Check out the entire the article here, at RELEVANT!

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Filed Under: God, Guest Post, Life, Ministry, Writing Tagged With: Christian decision making, faith, how do I decide, how do I decide what to do, how do I make a big decision, Jesus, making big decisions

Dating Your Spouse: No Excuses

April 8, 2015 by Ann Leave a Comment

My newest piece is up at Todays Christian Woman, entitled “5 Reasons to Avoid Date Night (But Why You Should Date Your Spouse Anyway). Michael and I have had a standing date every week of our married lives–this article shares my heart behind why we’re so committed to dating one another in every season of life!

We’ve all heard about the importance of consistent dates with our spouse. It sounds ideal—a romantic date every week—but there are a thousand reasons why it feels difficult (if not impossible) to make happen.

Here are five reasons to avoid date night. Oh, and why you should date your spouse anyway.

1. “Dating Is Too Expensive”

If you’re talking about the versions of dating that pop up on social media and TV, then, yes, you’re probably right. Expensive restaurants, Broadway shows, sparkling jewelry—most of us would be thrilled if we got a date like this with our spouse once a year, or even once a decade. Because those kinds of dates, with the wining and dining and trying to impress each other all the time, aren’t feasible for most of us.

But there is something that is feasible: connection. Connection comes not through the amount of money spent, but the amount of heart invested. Some of the best dates my husband and I have had took place during walks at the local arboretum. Strolling on the paths, we had time to unfold our hearts to one another and to enjoy holding hands in a lovely setting.

Connection comes not through the amount of money spent, but the amount of heart invested. Share on X

Now that we have a child, if we want to have any meaningful connection, it usually has to take place after she’s asleep or when we’re out and she’s with a babysitter. We try to have a date night out at least once a month. If we’re paying for a babysitter, our date is usually cheap (or free). We go for walks in the park, have coffee at a local café, or read part of a book together at the library. Make a list of cheap date night ideas with your spouse and pick one!

If money is really tight and there’s no option for paying a babysitter, consider swapping childcare with friends. You can also get creative with at-home dates. Turn your phones off and cook a late meal together after the kids go down. Watch a unique film you’re both interested in, and if you are so inclined, talk about it afterwards. Get competitive with a card game. Relax with a new flavor of ice cream bought especially for date night. What you do doesn’t matter as much as the choice you make to invest your time and attention in one another.

2. “I Don’t Have Time”

If you let other people control your calendar, then, yes, you’re probably right. There’s always going to be one more meeting, project, or sports practice that you—or one of your kids—has to be at. But ask yourself this: Would you ignore your child’s query for dinner as easily as you can ignore your spouse’s (or your own) need to talk?

Would you ignore your boss’s requests for that deadline as easily as you ignore your marriage’s need for connection time? Share on X

We make time for what we value. If you value your marriage and the person you made a covenant at the altar to love, you need to make time for your spouse.

Prior to marriage, many of us had months—perhaps even years—of lavishing time upon one another. Dates stretched into hours upon hours of conversation and laughter. We prioritized our significant other above other relationships and our time bent toward him accordingly. While we may not have time for hours-long dates any more, we can make intentional time for one another if we really want to. We can say no to another meeting, no to another sports team, and no to another obligation. And in the process, we can say yes to a standing date with our spouse on Tuesday nights or Friday mornings or Sunday afternoons—no excuses. Just as no friendship is sustainable without consistent connection, no marriage will thrive without consistent time together.

When you put a consistent date night on the calendar, you’re telling your spouse that you value your relationship above all others. It’s worth it.

3. “My Marriage Is Beyond Help”

If your marriage is in a difficult place, sometimes the thought of spending intentional time together feels confusing—or even painful. The idea of a night full of forced conversation (or lackluster intimacy) may not be your idea of a good time. But if a marriage is going to heal, connection has to start somewhere. And dates don’t always have to be fun to be meaningful. Sometimes working through deep issues on a date night is just as important as laughing together.

Perhaps your date nights don’t look like a cozy evening on the couch or a hand-holding walk through the park. Where can you start? Might a meal together outside of the home provide an opportunity for conversation that doesn’t revolve around the kids or work? Could a morning jog together offer a chance to connect in a different—and still meaningful—way? Would you be able to attend a Bible study or small group together?

If all of this still feels too hard, it might be that your dates need to be at a counselor’s office, where you can work through pain in a safe environment. The point of a “date” is to get closer to your spouse. Don’t assume that dating your spouse has to look one particular way. Start where you are, and move forward from there.

Read the final two reasons here, over at Today’s Christian Woman!

If you liked this post, you might enjoy: Dating Your Husband: The Hows and Whys.

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Filed Under: About, Dating Your Spouse, Life, Marriage Tagged With: Christian marriage, Christianity, date night, date night ideas, dating ideas, dating your husband, dating your spouse, faith, healthy marriage, is date night worth it, Jesus

Good Friday and the Ache in Our Soul: How Jesus Meets Us

April 2, 2015 by Ann 2 Comments

This is an adaptation of a post I wrote last year; I still feel this ache at Easter this year…

It seems that I tend to travel a lot during the Spring; this year has been no different, with a trip to what will soon become our new home city, a short trip to the Redbud Writer’s Retreat, and a trip down to Dallas this past weekend for a conference. And so, this past weekend was the third weekend in a month that I was away from home—something very odd for me. Michael and I love traveling, but I am a homebody at heart, and I love having consistency in my life. Yet one of the sweetest things about traveling, for this homebody, is the longing that develops in me when I am away from home. There is a familiar ache that bubbles up, whether I am in Wisconsin, Colorado, or England—the ache for a place where I know the corners of the rooms, the ache for a place where the walls and bed and blankets are familiar, loved, home.

And that feeling knocks on my heart at unexpected moments: when we were in Grand Rapids this past year, for example, my mother drove us past her childhood home, her elementary school, and her family’s church. My grandpa was a Methodist minister, and so she moved several times as a child, but it was in this city that she started going to school, and her memories of Grand Rapids are vivid. I loved seeing bits of her life through these buildings—the house where she lived, the steps she climbed on her first day of kindergarten, the steeple of the church where my grandfather preached. And although those places were not mine, I felt that old ache flutter again.

C.S. Lewis has written about this ache. In “The Weight of Glory,” he writes,

These things—the beauty, the memory of our own past—are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.

“News from a country we have never yet visited.”

Home.

Easter, which we are looking toward, is about many things. But in one sense, it is about home. It is about Jesus making a way for us to be able to enter the Home that we were created for. It is that “country” we keep hearing news from—that ache that bubbles up, that longing that draws us to beauty and goodness and light. The ache for wholeness, and freedom, and perfection—the ache for heaven.

Jesus is the only one who could become the doorway for us to that Home. His body, broken and torn, became the doorway that allows us to enter in and walk into right relationship with God. And through the doorframe of that empty tomb–his resurrection–we get to enter into that home with him, forever. He crossed the threshold from death to life and held the door open for us, too.

Christ's body, broken and torn, became the doorway that allows us to enter into right relationship with God. Share on X

Home. It is what we long for, ache for, desire. In these days of Holy Week leading up to Easter, we can remember afresh that because of the great cost Christ paid for us on the cross, and because of the great miracle of his resurrection, we have an answer to all of the aching and longing that we find in our own hearts.

We can remember that we have found our truest home—in Him.

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Filed Under: God, Life, Truth-Telling Tagged With: ache in my heart, ache in my soul, Christianity, Easter, faith, Good Friday, heart tired, Jesus, Lent, longing for home, soul tired, what does Easter mean, What does Good Friday mean, What does Lent mean